


Soon As I Get Home

by missema



Series: In Modern Kirkwall [5]
Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Deep Roads, F/M, Lost Love, Love, Making Up, Missing Persons, Mystery, Politics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2014-05-03
Packaged: 2017-11-26 18:29:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/653156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missema/pseuds/missema
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Modern Kirkwall, the seat of the Viscount has changed, Dumar is out and Cullen is in, bringing with him a new administration headed by Sebastian Vael.  The youngest Prince of Starkhaven was born and bred into politics, and has learned the hard way what can and cannot afford to be lost.  </p><p>Ten years have passed since he foolishly let family and the difficulties of the spotlight drive him away from Tylena Cousland.  In that time, he's learned to keep up appearances, to date the right kind of women to please his family, and to stay in Kirkwall - just far enough away.  </p><p>Tylena made a name for herself trading on her beautiful face, but at thirty-two, she's grown far beyond the shallowness of her youth.  She's even managed to forgive Sebastian, but never forget.  When Nathaniel Howe, an old boyfriend and even older friend goes missing near Kirkwall, duty compels her to go after him.  But she needs allies and powerful resources, and there's one person in the City of Chains that can help her mission immensely, if they can work together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blast From the Past

It wasn't supposed to happen like _this_.  
  
If he was ever going to be confronted by the love of his life, the one that got away, he wanted it to be the way he'd seen in movies. It had played out a million times in his head that way, dreams that followed him even when he'd given up hope that she'd ever forgive him. They were supposed to run into each other, as they had a numerous times since they'd split, but this meeting would be different. She'd be standing in a room full of people, and Sebastian Vael would be doing something official and important in his role for the Viscount's Office, dressed in a well-tailored, designer suit, naturally. Tylena would be lovely, older, but just as radiant as he remembered, and their eyes would meet through a sea of bodies, everyone would shift just enough and at the same time, so he could stare down into those hazel eyes. A trembling little smile would come to her lips, and he'd stride towards her, everyone else in the room disappearing around them. What he'd say would vary, based on what was happening and how clever he felt, but it always ended with an 'I'm sorry' and a kiss.  
  
A foolish cliché he indulged in from time to time, whenever Tylena Cousland's name came up, or he happened to read about the socialite/model/actress, whatever she called herself lately, was in the news. It was how Sebastian kept track of her, and doubtless a way for her to do the to him, if she were so inclined. As much as he saw of her, seeing her in person was a rare treat, and even more so since she'd stopped being angry with him for the way things ended between them. Part of him missed the anger, because it was the easiest way to know she still cared, but he supposed she might only have cared about hurting him the way he hurt her. They'd done the part where they'd argued in heated whispers through gritted teeth in public, always spewing something hateful towards to other before one of her friends or handlers guided them off to their separate corners, lest they make a scene.  
  
Tylena was one of those people that was a scene, no matter what she was doing. It was why the camera, the press, the people - him included, all loved her. She deserved nothing less than a grand spectacle, and he had a hundred reasons to give her one if she ever looked his way again. He'd been too young when they'd fallen in love, too brash and foolish, too weak to fight his family when they came between them, and too slow to realize what he'd lost after the fact. It was ancient history now more than ten years had gone by, but he still thought of it, of her, all the time.  
  
When she called him, it made him reconsider a fantasy he hadn't even known he was waiting on, a fairy-tale of his own choosing. She wasn't supposed to reach out, not after he'd broken her heart. A vague voicemail left on his mobile, a number he didn't know she had, but didn't wonder how she got it. Everything was available to Tylena, in some way or another.  
  
"Sebastian, it's Lena, um, Tylena. I'm in Kirkwall and I need your help with something important. Please, please call me back. I don't really know that many other people here and I need a friend." She rattled off a local phone number that one quick search on the internet revealed had come from The Regent, a hotel in old Hightown. Sebastian nearly laughed when he saw it - he should have guessed that was where she'd be.

That was like her, a grand old hotel just like her grand old money. The smile curling his lips at the thought of her lunching at The Regent vanished when he replayed the message again, a heard the worry that stole the softness from her voice. A third replay decided it for him, listening to the anxiety in the short message, the pleading.  
  
Years ago he probably wouldn't have called her back, out of fear of facing her. There had been so much between them, so much coming between the two of them that it almost always felt easier to run away than face the obstacles. He'd have broken her heart all over again with even more cowardice. This time, he couldn't do that. Asking for help wasn't Tylena's style. If she needed him, then it must be way over her head, or outside the sphere of her influential and powerful family.  
  
"Lena, it's me. What's wrong?" Sebastian asked when she picked up the phone immediately. It wasn't his intent to be so familiar, but he couldn't help it. Before she'd even said her name, just by the way she'd said his on his voicemail, he'd known it was her. He never knew how to be with her, all of their hellos and goodbyes were stilted or rang false, too cheery or too formal. They never found their footing outside of being a couple. It seemed pointless to bother with formalities when she sounded so blasted upset.  
  
"Thank the Maker. I was worried you wouldn't call back. You don't know how good it is to hear your voice Sebastian." She said, relief flooding her words. On the other end of the phone, he frowned. That didn't sound like her at all. Last time they'd done more than polite smalltalk at a party, she'd voiced the opinion that she hoped his balls fell off and that he spent eternity in the Void.  
  
"Will you meet me?" Tylena asked. "I'm at The Regent. I'd rather not do this over the phone."  
  
"Of course." He agreed readily, knowing he had far too much work to leave his office for hours. Viscount Cullen was still settling in, and relied upon him heavily, even though it had been months since his coronation. "Give me an hour, and I can meet you for a break." He said, thinking that it would take at least that long to tie up loose ends.  
  
"We could meet at the restaurant. That way it would look like two old friends catching up. Do you mind if we have a late dinner?" Ah yes, another one of the many perks of being Tylena. A near constant fear of being photographed, while knowing that it was inevitable. They'd rushed out of buildings and cars together, hidden behind dark glasses, or simply turned and smiled, waiting for the inevitable flash.

Maker, that was a lifetime ago, or it seemed that way to him. No one cared much about his doings since they'd split, except for the political reporters looking for someone to blame or badger. Sebastian looked at the watch on his wrist out of habit, though he was sitting at his computer. How had he been working for thirteen hours already?  
  
"Lena, what's going on?" He countered. He'd heard the unsaid in her statements, though she'd tried to gloss over it. She wanted to be seen with him. As flattering as it was, and he was flattered, he knew she didn't ask just to soothe his ego.  
  
"I'll see you in an hour and we'll talk then. Thank you so much Seb, for calling me back."  
  
It stung that she knew somehow, that he might not have been able to call her back. His voice was gruff as he replied to her, trying not to be touched by the gentleness of her voice, or the vulnerability the simple thanks displayed. "Thank me by telling me what's going on in an hour." He said as a goodbye.

#####

The plush atmosphere of The Regent always made him feel like he was visiting Kirkwall, though he'd lived and served the city-state for a good number of years now. When he'd been younger, it was where his parents stayed when they visited Kirkwall as dignitaries from Starkhaven. It was stately and majestic, invoking lost remembrances of a time when the nobility of Kirkwall lived amongst the walls, their family mansion passed down through the generations, verging on ruin inside. Millions of sovereigns worth of renovations had made sure that the hotel afforded every amenity to travelers, bringing the comfort and restrained ostentatiousness to their upscale clientèle. He hadn't expected her to be anyplace else.  
  
Around the Regent, the grounds were lit by invisible lights that guided travelers to the canopied door, flanked with potted plants and an attendant on duty. He pulled up to the valet, a man attired in a cross between a marching band uniform and armor. It made him smile as he handed over the keys to his car, Kirkwall didn't lack for a certain flair about things, and still, even after centuries, was influenced by Orlesian fashion more than they'd admit. Sebastian strode through the lobby to the adjoining restaurant, seeing but not taking in the large vases of orchids and lilies, mirrored tables and purple velvet seats, the white on white damask wallpaper, the gleaming lacquered reception desk that ran across the back of the room. He only had one goal in mind, to get to Tylena, and he was running late.  
  
It wasn't fair to say that Tylena looked good when he spotted her. _Good_  would have been a vast understatement of such proportions it might have been illegal. She was astonishing. Better than any memory of his, more beautiful than he'd ever seen her, and he'd often been awestruck by her in the past. Elbow length poker straight hair hung down in a shining curtain of ebony silk, just the way she liked it. Despite the hair, he could see the merest hint of her back, the deep v of the back of her dress dipping low, exposing a sliver of her creamy sorrel colored skin beneath. Her dress was off-white and shimmering, long-sleeved but short on actual dress, paired with heels in a matching color that would make her tower over him. He'd always liked the statuesque quality lent by her amazing height and aided by stillettos.  
  
She was dressed for cocktail hour, appropriate giving their surroundings, and suddenly he was glad that he'd taken the time to change his shirt and tie before he'd left the Viscount's Keep. At thrity-two, Tylena wasn't exactly how he remembered, or expected her to be. She was softer, the angles of her body that had been sharp in their youth had become more rounded, her figure still slender but less willowy, hips more than just an indentation, breasts just large enough that she might need to wear a bra on occasion. Though he'd loved her before, now just the sight of her took his breath away, and Sebastian took a moment to clear his head. Taking off his overcoat and draping it over one arm, he walked over to where she stood with her back to him, gazing at the screen of her phone  
  
"Lena, it's good to see you. I hope you haven't been waiting for too long." Sebastian said in greeting, holding his arms open as he walked towards her.  
  
She accepted the hug, and gave him a distracted smile. "Hello Sebastian. I just got here myself. I hope you don't mind that this is such short notice. I managed to get a table." She said. He chuckled. The day that he and Lena were denied a table at a restaurant would be something to see. This is how it used to be with them, going out to all the best places and parties. He'd nearly forgotten how heady that life could be.  
  
He nodded at her phone, "you didn't give me that number."  
  
"I thought you'd call back faster if you got a local one, knew that I was really here." As she explained she smiled, held up her phone to reveal his number already on her screen, and connected the call. He could feel the answering vibration of his phone in the pocket of his trousers, the feeling jolting him into a mild fit of coughing. She hung up with a smirk before he could make a move to get it, turned and walked through the doors of the restaurant, leaving him to catch up.  
  
That was how Tylena always was, and he'd once loved her so much it hurt. Maybe part of him still did, he was here, wasn't he?  Long legs accustomed to stalking runways put distance between them, slinking into the heart of the restaurant. He followed her, watching as the heads turned, as the waitstaff fell over themselves to lead them to a table, as she flashed the smile that made her famous at everyone and no one, thanking them. He was a little starstruck by it all, even though he'd lived this scene before.  
  
When they'd been together, she'd been young, too young to have the polish, that poise that she had now. While she always had the beauty and confidence, she was relaxed in it, at ease with herself and the way people responded to her. Someone remembered to take his coat at the last minute, and he sat down across from her, the dim light playing across her face.  
  
"I'm sorry I took you away from your work." She said softly.  
  
Sebastian waved a hand, trying for an air of nonchalance to cover his nervousness, the leaping in the pit of his stomach. "I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Work has been busy, as of late."  
  
"I know. I've kept up. Congratulations on the new job." She offered, beaming over at him before continuing. "Viscount Dumar held out for as long as he could, no one could have expected him to do more. How is the new Viscount?"  
  
"Settling in nicely." He replied, surprised by her knowledge. Tylena had never been a political creature when he'd known her, though her father had tried to pique her interest. She used to call Ferelden politics the ancient art of _my grandfather gave yours a hound and don't you ever forget it_. More than that, he was thrown by her friendliness. On the phone, things had sounded urgent and secret, but now she was all smiles and watching him across the table under lowered lashes. Disconcerted, Sebastian prepared to defend himself, unsure why he'd agreed to meet her in the first place. This wasn't reconciliation, and felt more pointed than forgiveness, but the purpose still eluded him.  
  
"I'm glad." She played idly with the goblet of water in front of her, eyes skimming over the menu. She wasn't reading, he could tell, but thinking. He wasn't going to rush her, and studied his own menu in the meantime.  
  
They made smalltalk for a while, until after they ordered. She seemed to want it that way, asking him about his family and job, talking about her recent email from her elder brother Fergus. He'd once been close to Fergus, even after things ended with Tylena, but they drifted apart.  
  
Once her celeriac and truffle soup and his salad of mixed greens and poched pears where placed in front of them, Tylena leaned forward to speak. Without warning, she reached across the table, holding out her hand to take his.  
  
"If you take my hand, no one will notice that we've lowered our voices." She murmured, voice only audible to him in the din of diners surrounding them.  Despite the lateness of the hour the restaurant was still busy, the tables around them filled.  
  
Sebastian did as he was told, taking her hand in his, rubbing the soft skin of her hand with the pad of his thumb. "What's going on?" He asked again, an edge to his voice lent by confusion. If she kissed him, he'd have go to the mens room and try to riddle this out.  
  
Tylena took a deep breath. "I need your help to find someone who's gone missing somewhere near Kirkwall."  
  
He cocked his head to the side, squinting his cerulean eyes as he tried to think of who Tylena might know well enough to get her to come here and ask for his help.  "Who?"  
  
"Nathaniel Howe."  
  
"Nathaniel Howe? Nathaniel Howe is missing?" It took all of his patience not to curse as soon as he heard the name. Nathaniel Howe. The man hated him, and for good reason. Sebastian couldn't imagine what he was doing in Kirkwall. "Tell me what you know." He prompted, after she went quiet, letting him absorb the name. A mixture of disappointment and dry amusement went through him, mostly the former. He didn't want this to be about anyone but them.  
  
Tylena simply smiled in answer to his request, wide and pretty as a waiter came over to ask if everything was okay. One hand smoothed her hair, while the other stayed locked in his, warm and gentle, fingers laced through his own. She waited until the waiter had gone away, then began. "He's missing, and hasn't been heard from in a month or so. His sister contacted me, remember Delilah? She married some guy who owns a shop in Amaranthine, and works there with him. I stopped in, and she was back their fretting and making herself even more sick."  
  
"She's ill?"  
  
"Baby number two is on the way." Tylena explained. "Anyway, she hasn't heard from him or anyone connected with the site for a month. A little digging found out that he's missed all of his recent check ins. I was sent, or rather, came here." Her hand fluttered every so slightly within his, and he steadied it by gripping it tighter. "But I don't know anyone in Kirkwall, and have less idea about where to start finding a missing person around Kirkwall, especially one that isn't from here. And we're running out of time."  
  
"I'll help. We can start by checking all of the John Does at the hospital." And the morgue, but Sebastian kept that thought to himself. "If he's not there, we can find out where he was last, or if anyone saw him. Lena, isn't this a matter for the police?" He asked softly, knowing that she wouldn't take it well.  
  
"I can't let the authorities find him first. There are other people...extenuating circumstances that need to be addressed." She said in a rush. It was the first time he'd seen her look flustered all night, but she was, her eyes darting to and fro, the pressure of her hand squeezing his. Without words, he tried to calm her, covering her hand with both of his own, holding her gaze. She took a shaky drink of water with her free hand, and continued. "Do you remember his father, Rendon Howe?"  
  
"Yes..." Sebastian said, only because he remembered that Nathaniel had a father, and that Bryce Cousland was friends with him.  
  
"He's dead. They suspect foul play. Nathaniel can't hear this from just some random person, or an officer questioning him about his whereabouts. We were once close. I should do this."  
  
"Maker, I had no idea. Of course." Sebastian shook his head. He didn't know Rendon Howe from anyone else, but he conjured up a picture of an older man who resembled Nathaniel, and felt sorrow. "I'll do whatever I can to aid you, although I assume you have more information."  
  
It was a guess, but a shrewd one. Lena pulled her hand from his with a small laugh lined with relief. "I do. But it would take longer than dinner to tell you about it, and my soup is getting cold. We can speak of other things, for now." She said, lifting the soup spoon daintily to her lips.  
  
After that they talked of less weighty things, trying to ignore all that was between them. She talked about the music video she'd starred in last year, and he spoke about the Viscount's Keep in vague terms. He ate a dinner of roasted pheasant breast and mushrooms without tasting it much, captivated once again by Tylena Cousland. At the end of the night, he walked her to the elevator bank of the hotel, not daring to go up with her, and still unsure of what was between them. Time hadn't dulled his attraction to her, but she was guarded and using him, though to his surprise, he found that he was quite happy to be involved with her in any way.  
  
"Thank you so much Sebastian. I had hoped you would help, but I wasn't sure. There's so much between us." She stepped towards him, reaching a hand out. "And I was angry for a long time. I wasn't sure if I could do this, but I had to try."  
  
Her fingers grazed his jaw, softly stroking the reddish brown stubble that he'd shave away that night. Sebastian inhaled sharply at her touch, the whole of his body set alight by the simple touch. He was already here, it would be so easy to go with her, to fall into her bed and forget his work, to try to make amends for the past decade between them. He opened his eyes without realizing he'd closed them and answered, "I wouldn't let you down again."  
  
The smile she gave him was sad, too sad, so he grabbed the hand touching his face and kissed her fingertips. "We'll find Nathaniel." He promised. The ding of the elevator arriving woke her, and she gave him another smile before leaving. He stood there mute, watching the silver doors slide shut as she stood there alone, whisked away from him.


	2. Marble Denerim

Tylena was still fretting in her hotel room, even though she was reassured by Sebastian's promise to help. The whole situation was too much for her to get a handle on, especially in her sleep-deprived, jet-lagged state. Nathaniel was special to her, but they were definitely not involved anymore. It was personal, but in that nebulous area that lingered somewhere between affection and memory. It was Nate that came after Sebastian and dealt with her insecurities about dating. Even though she'd given herself time to heal, the breakup left her raw and wary of being with anyone. He'd just left, when her stardom and his family pressures got to be too much and he'd walked away. She'd been more than crushed, and once she'd mended herself and wanted to dip a toe into dating again, it had been Nate that she'd wound up with.  
  
Sebastian had never really liked Nathaniel, but then again, they hadn't known each other outside of her. They might have liked each other at one time, they weren't all that dissimilar, but timing and life had a way of making them something closer to adversaries than they ever needed to be. That Seb was helping her look for Nate meant more to her than she would have guessed.  
  
There really wasn't much to go on, but she didn't tell Sebastian everything. No matter how many people were eating, laughing and talking, she couldn't shake the fear of being overheard. It had been essential to meet him in public, to see if she could trust him, to get a sense of him. He felt like the same person, just older, wiser and hopefully better than before. It boded well that he was here in Kirkwall, instead of Starkhaven living off the largesse of his family. She hoped that he could actually help. They'd come across each other now and again, and she'd gotten a sense of regret, of guilt and apology from him. There had been a long while when she hadn't been open to such a message, but once she let her anger fade, she found she respected the man Sebastian had become. Away from Starkhaven, he'd built his own life and career.  
  
When confronted with him, she couldn't help but remember all the things she'd loved about him, all the intimacies that they'd shared. Earlier that night, heat had flooded her when she'd turned around to see him, stalling even though she'd known exactly when he'd come through the door. Damn him for still having such pull over her ten years later.  
  
She'd been fifteen when they met. Fifteen and fresh-faced, on one of her first 'real' jobs modeling. She introduced herself as Lena, a shortened form of her name that she thought made her sound older, cooler. Certainly, she'd thought him too cool for her, and was flattered by his attentions. Her mother had stood guard over her like a dragon, a stern glance ending Sebastian's flirtations with her daughter. He hadn't known how young she was then. He was twenty at the time, and on set because he was a friend of the photographer, or perhaps they owed him a favor. Tylena couldn't rightly remember. But they'd met, her eyes lit up when the handsome man with the bright blue eyes spoke to her, his voice throaty and lyrical all at once, thanks in no small part to his brogue. She'd thought him the most handsome man alive for weeks until she met a famous actor that eclipsed even Sebastian in beauty, if only momentarily.  
  
Two years later at a party, she'd met him again. She was seventeen and pulling at the reigns of her parents, demanding more freedom, earning her own money. He was twenty-two and doing much the same, except the earning money part. When he asked for her phone number, she'd had to explain that she was still at home and too young for him. He took it anyway, with a laughing smile, telling her that he'd call on her birthday, and make her majority the best birthday of her life. She hadn't believed him, but he did. Months later, he'd shown up in Orlais after calling her agency to locate her, and he took her out dancing for her birthday. With a crowd of her other modeling friends on his arms, all with the intent to celebrate, they'd hit the streets. They'd danced manically at a trashy discotheque, and drank icy imported beers at a loud club, so packed she rubbed up against Sebastian every time she took a drink. The memory prickled at her skin, making Tylena rub her arm as if she could feel the cotton of his dress shirt against it all over again. Their group, minus a few members wound up sitting in the VIP section of a club until dawn, when he'd put them in cabs and sent her friends away, so he could take her to walk on the beach.  
  
He kissed her there, tired and sore as they were. She'd sat in the sand with her head on his shoulder, exhausted and exhillerated, watching the sun paint the sky with light, feeling his warmth on her side while the sand beneath them stole hers. At the time, she'd thought herself lucky, to have caught his attention and affection. Afterwards for years, she still felt the same. It wasn't until later, much later that she let bitterness take her and she tried to forget that birthday. When the sting of their breakup began to heal, she saw it for what it was, a wonderful gift, the best birthday of her life.  
  
The years after were rough on them. She was too young and headstrong, and so very naive in love. Sebastian's family didn't approve of her, of her modeling and their constant public appearances. Seeing their youngest heir candooling with a model in the gossip section made the Vaels pull Sebastian's leash even tighter. They were always in the background, whispering in Sebastian's ear. One moment they understood her job and liked her, but it seemed that any photo not sanctioned by them was a transgression, and later her very nature was enough to offend them, so much that she began to try to make them mad. She was the daughter of a Fereldan noble, and she knew propriety, knew enough not to fight in public or start throwing fits, but she liked to push boundaries as well. They were passionate, tempestuous and ultimately too unstable to last. In retrospect, it surprised her that they got as far as they did, but crazy love could fuel much. He hadn't exactly been faithful to her in the early days, and she'd cried her broken little heart out on jobs, stressing out the makeup artists that had to cover her puffy eyes. Things had gotten better, for a time, before they spiralled towards the end.  
  
She'd lived with him, briefly, in Orlais. It was at the height of her modeling career, when she was twenty-two and he twenty-seven. He was going to graduate school because his father threatened to cut him off if he didn't do something, and Tylena had been cast in a small movie role, but bigger than her previous acting jobs. One where she appeared on the screen topless for a few seconds. It was the end for them. The Vael family wouldn't allow him to be connected with her, and she was tired, tired of the constant fighting and making up that they'd descended into. But instead of siding with his family, Sebastian decided to take a stand. Tired of being between them both, he left. Turning away from her and his family in one stroke. Ultimately, he went back to his family and not her.  
  
They lived in an apartment owned by his family, and when he left, she waited. When she received a politely worded telegram asking her to please leave, she moved in with some other girls she knew in Val Royeaux, sharing a flat and staying out too much. In her mind, those were the paparazzi years. They loved her as much as she loved the camera, and they never failed to get their picture. When it was over between her and Sebastian, it was over, and on came a bevy of other meaningless, faceless men. Tylena once prided herself on not being photographed with the same man twice. She hated him, hated that his family scared and controlled him, hated that he hadn't said goodbye.  
  
After a few months of watching her party via the tabloids, her brother had come and taken her home. Highever, her home, with it's beaches full of old ladies and the oily scent of herring, had done much to heal her heart. There had been long walks, and trips with her mother to Denerim, and nights discussing books with her Father. After a while, she forgot some of the sadness, and began to travel for work, always returning to Highever afterwards. She'd gotten through the worst of it when she met the man that changed her life again. She met Duncan.  
  
There was no tale of falling in love again to clear away the bad memories, but rather Tylena found purpose in duty, meaning in something larger than herself and her own interests for the first time. Life was more than just her little world, and she'd stumbled across the one man that could guide her towards knowledge and understanding. Her curiosity had been piqued when she'd accidentally walked in on her father deep in discussion with an unfamiliar man, their hushed voices paused when she came in, and her father was a little too enthusiastic in shooing her away from the man.  
  
"This is just Duncan. We have business you need not concern yourself with. Go on and find your mother, pup." Her father had instructed, ushering her out of his study as if she were still a child. Duncan lingered in their home for days, and Tylena, wound up cornering him after a while.  
  
"I don't trust you." She said, her arms crossed over her chest. They were in the library, where he'd been putting a book back on the shelf after deciding against it.  
  
"You have no reason to trust me. What's more interesting is why you felt the need to tell me." Duncan mused, still not looking at her, but searching the shelves.  
  
"Because." Tylena sputtered. "Because you should know that I don't. You aren't what you say you are."  
  
Duncan gave a deep, rumbling laugh before he turned to her, smiling. "You have good instincts, but I haven't said I was anything in particular. At least, not to you."  
  
He gave her a little bow before he swept out, and she vowed to figure out what he was hiding. Once she found out, she regretted the suspicion and vehemence that had caused her to confront him. How little she had known, but her instincts and curiosity compelled her to keep searching.  
  
In the past Thedas hadn't been like she'd known it, like it had been for generations. There were stories of dubious origins about magic and lyrium and different races, dwarves, elves and humans, all of which were now recited as stories and legends. Most people didn't rightly believe them anymore, except when they saw a stout, bearded man who looked too much like a stereotypical dwarf to dismiss, or talked about their ancient aunt doing magic in the attic. Duncan set her straight, told her about the history that lay beneath the surface, for all that were willing to look. It wasn't a secret, more like something people didn't want to acknowledge anymore, because too much time had passed and the divisions had become less obvious. Still, their whole religion, the Andrastian Chantry was based on the fact that at one time, people had magic, and those with magic had ruled, cruelly over those without, until Andraste led them in revolution.  
  
"Each civilization is built upon the ruins of another. It's our job to ensure that nothing from the ruins gets out. We perserve the peace, maintain the present and protect the past. You will too, if you join us." Duncan had explained.  
  
She'd been looking for something, for meaning, for herself. It took her a year to decide, but eventually she became a Grey Warden. Tylena never gave up her modeling career or ambitions, and the Wardens encouraged her. It was a good cover for traveling all over Thedas, and the clearance kept her free from government scrutiny. But it had been more than a chance to learn secrets or go on adventures. She'd learned history, uncovered the hidden truths and sometimes found out too much. It made her tired at times, but also united her with others, gave her a sense of purpose. In her youth she'd been shallow and pampered, but she'd taken those traits and become a philanthropist, a historian and scholar hidden under the model exterior.  
  
She also was a businesswoman. No matter what anyone thought of her, she'd learned to manage her accounts well, her parent's training and lessons about money and life not all gone to waste. As such, she was her brand as much as any name on a product, and she took care of herself. There had never been drugs or too much alcohol for her, but after being a part of the party scene in her youth, she'd worked hard to erase that image. Now when she was photographed out, it was lunching or with a yoga mat instead of with caked mascara and smeared eyeliner after a nice of dancing. It had taken her years to do, but she'd earned a degree in history, even between traveling, work and Warden business. As she drew a bath in the hotel suite, she wondered if Sebastian knew anything about her now, or if he'd come because he was nostalgic for the wisp of a woman she'd been at fifteen. Probably a little of both, she decided as she sank into the hot water.

#####

Thanks to a very big bottle of water and a sense of grim dedication, Tylena got up and made it to the gym in the morning. Sure, she could have used the one in the hotel, but it was a rainy day and all the better for shots of her getting published, especially since she'd donned tight white yoga pants and a lime green tee as her workout attire. Sunglasses shielded her tired eyes from view and a high ponytail made her look more perky than she actually was when she set out to the most exclusive gym in Kirkwall, which wasn't actually all that exclusive.  
  
In her mind, she'd dubbed the fair city of Kirkwall to be Marble Denerim. Aside from the size and obvious Tevinter construction in Kirkwall, the two cities felt remarkably similar, except where Denerim had the honor of being the most sophisticated city in Ferelden, Kirkwall felt like an afterthought. The same things that she found quaint and homey in Denerim felt backwards in the Free Marches, and made her long for Antiva or Orlais. Preferably Antiva she mused, the weather was better there. Kirkwall and Denerim shared many of the same traits, including crappy weather that tended towards rain in the spring more often than not. In Ferelden the rain would have come with mud and the scent of dogs, giving it some character, but Kirkwall stood firmly bland and grey, the rain only making the already drab stone a darker shade of boring. The best thing about Kirkwall in her mind, was Sebastian, though she wasn't sure how much she liked thinking along those lines.  
  
She smiled for the few cameras that caught her, acting as if she were impatient to go inside the gym. The first thing she did, after getting fawned over by the manager on duty, was find a repetitive task so she could think. Her thoughts were too stuck in the past, as she was prone to doing. The treadmill filled her requirements nicely, and she let her mind go, listening to her music and almost forgetting her surroundings. At least her publicist would be happy that she'd gotten out, alone and to the gym this morning. It would stop and rumors that she'd been hungover or reverting back to her wild ways with Sebastian. There would surely be photos of her and Sebastian last night, at least one of them, even if it was a pixelated mobile phone picture from some starstruck patron at the restaurant.  
  
There wasn't much she wanted to do in the gym, besides be there, and she diligently completed a quick circuit before making her way back to the hotel. After a quick shower, she settled in front of her laptop. Wet hair streaming down her back and clad only in a hotel robe, she checked her mail. Several emails sent links to blogs, which had pictures of her and Sebastian holding hands at the dinner table, and one of them laughing together, followed by a morning shot of her going to the gym. It was captioned 'Seeing her old flame's made Tylena all smiles in the morning.' She wanted to gag a little at the implication, but at least they left out anything too malicious about the two of them. She skimmed the article about their relationship with a wary eye, looking at pictures of her so old they had to have been scanned from file photos. Maker bless the poor intern who was up at the crack of dawn doing that dirty work.  
  
But they looked good together, last night and years ago, there was no denying that fact. How had she ever been so young and so obviously in love? Lingering on a candid photo of the two of them walking hand in hand down an unrecognizable street, Tylena sighed. She was wearing wide, pleated shorts with fishnets, a white shirt under a leather jacket and combat boots. Her lapses in fashion sometimes blew her mind. It helped that Sebastian also looked the part in a black leather jacket, jeans and his own pair of combat boots. The camera had captured them without either of them knowing, no fake smiles or expensive sunglasses to hide behind, just a happy couple. They were just together, doing whatever it is they did in semi-matching outfits, and happy. Things had been so different back then.  
  
"Room Service." A voice behind her door purred, and Tylena knew immediately that it was nothing of the sort. That voice belonged to the person she'd been waiting for since she'd arrived in Kirkwall, her only ally besides Sebastian.  
  
"Zevran!" She shouted, pulling him into a hug as soon as she opened the door. "This is the best kind of room service." She muttered into his shoulder.  
  
"It is lovely to see you again my darling. I would ask if you've been lonely without me, but I saw you three times already this morning when I was reading the gossip."  
  
Tylena groaned. "It's going to be hard to escape the cameras since they know I've seen Sebastian, but hopefully they'll think we're just dating again or something. They don't need to know about Nate." She'd been counting on the cover a reunion between her and Sebastian would provide. Hopefully any coverage would be busy digging up their past or speculating on their future, too busy making a story to find the real one.  
  
Zevran shrugged. "It's your party. Speaking of, I brought some favors from our friend Stroud, along with his regards." He indicated the backpack he was pulling off his back, and Tylena got up to put the privacy on the door. It would have automatically locked behind him, but she was always careful.  
  
The 'favors' from Stroud included some notes that he'd found about Nathaniel's expedition, a new GPS for her, and what looked like some fancy poison labeled 'in case you run into trouble'. They always did.  
  
Technically, Nathaniel was on a research mission. He was a paleontologist by training, but he was a paleontologist the way Tylena was a historian. In practice, it was so much more, and in public, it was so much less. She hadn't seen him in years, though they kept in touch. Long ago, growing up, they'd been friends of a sort, and once she'd gotten over Sebastian enough to date again, her boyfriend. After that, he'd become a Grey Warden and she'd presided over his Joining ceremony, but they'd been long broken up by then.  
  
Zevran knew what they were, but was no warden himself. He'd been her friend for a long time, almost since she'd become a warden and had helped her in the past, but declined the offer to become one. Still, she welcomed his advice, and his presence whenever she worked. They'd become fast friends on the set of a commercial they were shooting together, one of her few jobs in Ferelden just after moving home from Orlais. Ever since they'd been there for one another, but she'd never felt anything more than friendship for him. It was a pity, he was exquisite, shoulder length blond hair, tanned skin over a lean, muscular frame, jewel green eyes in a face that never seemed to age. From the outset, she'd known there was something too carefully maintained about his sense of casual fun, and when they'd been close for a while, he told her about his fiancée, Rinna, who died. After that, she couldn't take his offers of one night seriously, knowing how much his heart hurt.  
  
She'd been quiet while she examined the backpack from her commander, but Zevran was busy on his mobile, browsing the internet. "Sebastian aged well." He said out of nowhere. She guessed that he was looking at the pictures of the two of them from last night and whatever old archival photos had been since attached to the article. The same thought hadn't escaped her notice either.  
  
"He did." Tylena said carefully.  
  
"Are you two?" He raised an eyebrow instead of finishing, and Tylena shook her head at him.  
  
"Don't even ask. I don't know anything yet. He's the same, but not." She sighed. "I can't explain it."  
  
"Obviously." He said tartly, making her laugh. "You should call Stroud, and I need to catch up on my sleep. It was a long flight from the Anderfels to here. I need my rest. Bring Sebastian to my book reading tonight."  
  
"What makes you think I'm going?"  
  
Zevran shot a lazy smile at her, his trademark. It was a look she'd seen a thousand times before, in person and in print. "Because, Lady Cousland, what better way to explain our arrival in Kirkwall? You have come to support my artistic endeavors for the next few days and reconnect with Sebastian, otherwise we'd have no reason to be here. When was the last time this place held as much beauty as ours?"  
  
They both laughed at that, and Tylena threw a pillow at him. "Get out then, and I'll meet you later on, when I figure out just what I'm doing here."  
  
Ah yes, Zevran's book. She'd almost forgotten. It was a series of tongue-in-cheek essays and glimpses inside the fashion industry, written with his own kind of flair. It would be fun to hear him read it, even though she'd read the book before it hit the stores. Alone in her room, she let her mind wonder about everything. Where was Nate? Did Stroud know something she didn't? Was he on official business or merely pursuing his own interests? And how much would she have to tell Sebastian? It all made her very, very tired to think about.


	3. Risk and Reward

The fallout began earlier than he expected.   
  
His mother was the first, phoning him before he was even out of bed the next morning. After dinner, it had been a late night of work for him, slogging through it all by himself. The one thing he missed about Dumar, about the administration that had worked for the old Viscount was that they made it look easy. By the time Sebastian came to Kirkwall, he fell right into a well-oiled machine. He hadn't liked Bran, not by a mile, but he'd been excellent at his job.   
  
They suffered under Cullen, any transition was bound to be rough, and it was Sebastian's job to bring them together. It took an immense amount of work just to keep things going, and then to make them better - Sebastian wasn't sure he had enough in him to keep it up, but he did his best. Such a job required much, and if he had to spend a few long days working until his eyes were swollen, he would do it. If he had to hire another assistant just to keep up with the paperwork, he would do it, but damn if he wasn't left feeling closer to bereft instead of accomplished. The more he worked, the more it seemed he needed to work. Seeing Tylena had been a welcome and unexpectedly needed break. Even if all he got out of it personally was a memory of the night before, it was better than what he had going in.  
  
"I see you're back in touch with Tylena Cousland." Displeasure crackled along the lines, carried in every syllable. Not even a hello this time, he must be doing something right. "It's in the gossip columns. Your tie was too loud for your shirt." His mother's voice said through the speakers of his phone, waking him after six too short hours of sleep.  
  
"Good morning to you as well, mother." Sebastian said, keeping his voice civil. "That tie is my favorite. I had dinner with an old friend last night."  
  
"Tylena Cousland? Again?" His mother sighed on the other end of the phone. "Ten years ago she was out of control, Sebastian. She wasn't right for you. But I admire what she's made of herself since, and Meghan adores her clothing line."  
  
"She has a clothing line?" He asked stupidly, still trying to blink the sleep from his eyes. His niece, Meghan was still a young girl, favoring pink pants and ruffled shirts when he'd seen her on the last holiday. Designing was never something he knew Tylena had ever wanted to do, much less had actually pursued. He heard a soft chuckle from his mother.  
  
"Oh yes, amongst many other business ventures. She's become quite the mogul, hasn't she?" His mother's smug tone made him certain that she'd looked up information on Lena before calling him. "Not that it's your section of the store, but she has a line of clothes named Blue Laurel for girls and young women. Quite cute, modest, not what I was expecting from her. She also was in that music video, I liked the song." The mention of the line being modest was a dig at Tylena, but Sebastian didn't have it in him to fight about, not ten years later.  
  
"That I knew about." He said. Only because she'd told him at dinner last night and he'd gone back to his office and watched it. It had been a slow song, a ballad about lost love that had been a little too much for him to watch with the sound on.  
  
"I'm just calling to tell you to watch yourself. She may have grown up, but you two have a lot of history together. It's not always easy to get away from that."  
  
"Duly noted. I'm hanging up now." Sebastian said, and did just that. He thought he'd gotten away from the point in his life where his parents dictated everything, and told him who to see and what to do. But here it was a decade later, and the first thing he heard after a dinner with Lena was a call from his mother.  
  
There was no getting back to sleep after speaking to mother, she rattled his nerves too well. Sebastian laid in bed, staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, then got up and showered, resisting the temptation to look at his computer. It was early in the morning, and though it was the weekend, he had to work. Especially if he was going to help Lena look for Nathaniel. Work was already overflowing from his desk onto piles on the floor, but he could ask his assistant to look into the hospital and morgue records for him while he worked. Nathaniel Howe missing, his father dead, he wasn't expecting any of this. It was certainly a far cry from his work at the Viscount's Keep.  
  
There he was Chief of Staff for Viscount Cullen, his most senior advisor and in charge of all the staff. It was an honor, and all he'd hoped for when he found out Viscount Dumar was retiring from the office after the untimely death of his son Saemus. He'd struggled to get to his position, not using his family name for advancement, working long hours with a staff that seemed predisposed to dislike him. True, he had made mistakes. He was an incorrigible flirt at times, which people seemed to find charming when Varric did it, but annoying with Sebastian. It didn't matter anymore. He'd done the work, got the job and now had everything he'd aspired to for so long, since he'd finished school and gone into politics.   
  
Seeing Lena threw him for a loop, and made him feel like none of those accomplishments mattered. He was twenty-seven again, every single time he saw her, and a fool. There wasn't a moment in his life since when he didn't regret losing her, though he'd tried to convince himself otherwise. Sebastian snorted to himself, recalling his mother's words. 'Out of control'. It had been he that had been out of control, not Lena.   
  
He'd been angry when he left, shamed by his parents and mad at her when he shouldn't have been. He blamed her for poor choices and being irresponsible, but she really hadn't been either of those things. She'd been twenty-one when she made that film, sitting on a boat for hours, listening to some director promising to make her a film star. Taking her top off was just another part of a long list of things he'd told her to do, and because she had no problem with nudity and no clause against it, she did it. They'd laughed about it afterwards, when she'd told him about it after filming, and he'd kissed her small, high breasts in bed, teasing them under his thumb, enjoying the responsiveness of her.   
  
It had been mostly forgotten afterwards. Then the movie came out and she'd told her parents, had been asked about it when she worked the press junkets. She was never afraid, it was her choices and her body, and he admired her for that. But then his parents convinced him that she was out to ruin their family, his name, the life they wanted for him. Later, he'd watched the scene a hundred times, if not more. Watched as her skin gleamed bronze under the sun, lips painted red, her dark hair uncharacteristically curly and soft as she pretended to sunbathe. Her eyes were defiant as the main character looked over her, and she didn't feign modesty as he mentioned the discarded white bikini top at her side.   
  
Sebastian had never been sure if she was acting there, but she delivered her lines well and appeared clothed in all two of her other scenes. If she'd wanted it her career could have moved into film, all of the reviews mentioned her favorably and she was won a newcomer's award for the role. For reasons unknown to him, she decided against it and went back to modeling after that. Less than a year later, she'd landed a huge multi-national campaign to be the face of a makeup company, and he'd seen her everywhere he turned, with Nathaniel Howe on her arm, taking his place.  
  
There was always a pull between them, he would know when she was at the same party as he, or when she was glaring at him. But to see her as she was now, not angry, no longer upset, but asking for help, it threw Sebastian off balance. He didn't know what he was feeling this morning, and he'd spent a long, frustrated night trying not to think of her. His resolve not to look up anything about her held until he got to his office, despite the call from his mother. When he sat down behind his desk, his computer was still on the page he'd left it on the night before, open to watch the music video she'd starred in. His email icon blinked, and he glanced at it. Most of it was about work, but a message from his eldest brother had the subject 'are you back with Tylena?!?' and Sebastian closed it without reading anything.   
  
Without letting himself think too much, he did a search for her name, scrolling past the gossip pages after glancing at one. He moved on to other, older results and to his surprise found himself mentioned in her wiki biography.  
  
"Cousland dated Prince Sebastian Vael of Starkhaven for four years, starting when she was eighteen. Rumors circulated that the pair were engaged but the later broke up. She has since declined to talk about their relationship in interviews, only stating that he was her first love. Afterwards she dated a few more high-profile men, including actors and Oswyn the guitarist of the band 'Ferelden Turnips'. She's never been married, and maintains a residence in Jader. Her parents are Eleanor and Bryce Cousland, the current teyrna and teyrn of Highever. She is second in line to inherit the title of Highever, though she's stated in interviews that she 'doesn't want it' and 'Fergus is much better suited' than she. By virtue of her birth, she is entitled to be called Lady Cousland."  
  
 _'He was her first love.'_

Sebastian knew it already, but to see it written as fact floored him. She'd been his first love too. The first to mean something, to be more than an amusement or an ill-advised pursuit. Even all those years before when he'd spotted her with her mother, he'd known she was something special. Worth waiting for. Maker, his chest hurt so bad thinking about her. How could he face her, help her find Nathaniel Howe when he had all of this inside of him, all these things to say that he didn't know how to voice?  
  
He closed all of the tabs, and forced himself to get to work. There was nothing to do right now, and the government wasn't going to stop working because of his broken heart. As if on cue, his assistant came in, dressed in jeans and a sweater because it was a half-day on the weekend, bringing him a cup of coffee. The normalcy of it all nearly made him forget to be sad.

 

#####

 

A sense of something not being right gnawed at Sebastian, and not just because he knew Tylena was leaving things out. There was more to it than that, the fact that Delilah Howe had come to her in the first place when neither woman was all that close to the other said something. On a hunch, when he'd sent his assistant away to check on unidentified people and bodies, he used his security clearance to find out some information. There wasn't much about Nathaniel Howe, but he did find out that Howe was married. Where was his wife?   
  
Tylena was obviously not doing this to find her lover, and that gave him more relief than he would have liked to admit. Deciding not to spend his whole day looking at the biographies of people he knew, he did one last thing he knew he'd have to do before he could let Tylena go on this search.  
  
The Federal Free Marches investigators needed to be notified, and their contact for the Viscount's Keep was Aveline Hendyr. He'd met her several times, and found her to be extremely competent and professional, but he was sure she didn't like him since she was good friends with Norina Hawke. Norina didn't like him at all, and had married his rival, Bran, after what seemed like a hasty and ill-advised courtship to his eye. He'd been infatuated with her, but it hadn't amounted to anything - she'd seemed to hate him on sight. All of that didn't matter to him at the moment, his chief concern was making sure Lena stayed within the boundaries of the law during her search. There was no need to complicate the matter further and he felt he could trust Aveline to be discreet.  
  
He had his assistant call her and leave a message to get back to him. He hoped she would soon, he knew Tylena wouldn't wait much longer. She'd arrived last night, recruited him and then spent today preparing. He had no doubt she'd be ready to move soon.  
  
Tylena texted him in the afternoon, after his assistant had gone home and he had finally managed to get himself deep into his work. He was waiting for her, because he had news.   
  
_'Still working?'_  
  
 _'Yes, but I've been waiting to talk to you.'_  
  
 _'Pictures of us on the internet. Did your mother see?'_ He chuckled when he got the message. She had remembered his mother's obsession with being the first one to find out news.  
  
 _'You know she did. Called first thing.'_ He answered, grinning foolishly at his phone while he did.  
  
 _'Hahaha. I can imagine. Free now? Am near Keep.'_  
  
 _'Can be. Let me finish up. Call me when you're outside.'_  
  
 _'K.'_  
  
She didn't take long to get there, and he was still in the middle of wrapping things up when she texted. He had to go downstairs to let her in the locked security doors using the badge he wore clipped to his leather belt, and gave a low whistle of appreciation when he saw how she was dressed.  
  
Her suit looked better than his own, but then again, he had no doubt that it had been a gift from some grateful designer hoping to get their clothes showcased on her amazing body. Fit as he was, he could never have claimed to be a model. She teetered over him again in impossibly high heels that made echoing clacks against the hard floor as she walked in. The shiny black material of the suit was stylish and kept it from being drab, the slender cut showed off her figure. The stovepipe legs of her trousers made her seem impossibly tall, and the jacket was tailored to be worn without any shirt underneath, and he glimpsed a hint of purple lace when she gave a laugh and a mock bow at his wolf whistle.   
  
"Are we going somewhere?" Sebastian asked, sure that she didn't dress up just to come see him. He motioned for her to follow and she walked through the Viscount's Keep with him. He went slower than usual, because she was taking in the full scene of the place, the skylights, the marble floors and heavy polished oak doors leading to the offices. It was impressive, if it wasn't visited often enough to become routine.  
  
"As a matter of fact, Zevran is here. He's got a book reading tonight, and I thought you might come with me." She said, looking around the Keep and then up. The daylight was weak and fading, but it was still spectacular looking, and no less impressive for the dimness. The atrium had a glass ceiling and it was letting in a unobstructed view of the grey sky, slanting beams of sun coming through the shifting clouds. He watched her, the straight dark hair falling down her back as it had the night before, but she wore minimal makeup today. Almond shaped eyes rimmed with long lashes that swept around their surroundings. Her creamy brown skin was flawless, pouty lips held just a hint of color and it struck him that she looked better now than she had when they were together. Maturity had done much for her.  
  
"A book reading? That sounds interesting." He said, searching for something to cover the silence while he thought. He didn't actually know who Zevran was, but that was the least of his concerns. "It sounds like you're asking me on a date." Sebastian said, stopping to look over at her as he voiced the thought.  
  
"I am." Lena answered, returning his glance. She was nervous, but didn't waver.  
  
"I'd love to. But I'm also confused. Flattered, but confused." Sebastian was truthful about how he felt, even if saying it aloud made it feel overly simplistic.  
  
Next to him, Lena sighed. "I need your help. That's true, and we need to talk. That's why I'm here. Why I'm asking you on a date, I don't know. I want you to come with me and meet Zevran at the very least. He's here to help."  
  
"So I take it he knows Nathaniel." Sebastian said. It was a question, even if it wasn't framed as such. He wanted to know if this was one of Nathaniel's friends or relatives, if he should be on guard.  
  
"They know of each other, and may have met once or twice, but don't know one another. And since I asked you on a date to go to his reading, it's safe to assume we're not together."  
  
Despite himself, Sebastian laughed he opened his office door and held it wide for her. "I'd never ask such an impertinent question of you, my lady. You could be dating all of Ferelden and I would still feel lucky you asked me out."  
  
She raised an eyebrow at him and instead of walking through, leaned against the door frame. "What about you? Are you seeing anyone?"  
  
"Does it matter?" He only wanted her, he'd only ever really wanted her. But there was no way to say that at the moment, and he wasn't sure if it would be appreciated or reciprocated.  
  
"I wouldn't want to step on any toes."  
  
He shook his head. "Free as a bird." He said, and then added, "Except for this job."  
  
"That's good to know. I'd hate to get an irate phone call from anyone but your mother." She quipped, the two of them laughing softly. The air between the two of them felt less heavy, but more charged as she slid into his office. Sebastian closed the door behind them and watched as Lena spun in a circle and whistled as she looked around.   
  
"Nice little office you've got here. This could double as an apartment." She said. Her gaze landed on a large bow mounted on the wall, a polished prize that had once been used as a weapon, but now was largely symbolic, the crest of the Vael family burned into the wood. "Can you still use that bow of yours?" She asked.  
  
He chuckled, thinking it funny that of all the things in his office, it was the bow she would recognize and comment on. Years ago, when they'd been together, it had been one of the only pieces of his heritage that he'd cared to hold onto, a gift passed down from his grandfather. After he died, Sebastian had tried to master the old art of archery in an attempt to reclaim his memory, the old man had been a sharpshooter with a bow and a rifle alike. He'd thought to follow in his grandfather's footsteps and gained some expertise with both. But Sebastian had let the practice fall to the side as he got older, though from time to time he got out his weaponry and tried again. It was relaxing, a way to relieve some of the pressure of his life, but he didn't get to it often enough, even less now. The most recent time had been when he visited Starkhaven and his family went hunting. Aside from having a private wood, his elder brothers were avid sportsmen and his mother knew that the only way to keep them from arguing and bickering was to organize a hunt.  
  
"Yes, I believe I remember a little." Sebastian said with a smile. "But that's neither here nor there. I have news, it could be good. There aren't any John Does or anyone at all fitting Nathaniel's description in the hospitals."  
  
"What about the morgues?" She asked softly. He pretended not to notice how Tylena went rigid as he did.  
  
"Nothing there either. But that just means we ruled out the obvious so far. You've got to give me more to go on if we're going to make a more exhaustive search." Sebastian stated. He wanted the truth, and he wanted it from Tylena. They weren't going to get very far if he didn't get it.  
  
"I have Nathaniel's last GPS coordinates, but you won't like where we're going." He frowned at her, and she continued. "Outside the city, to one of the old tunnels." She deliberately didn't say 'The Deep Roads' because not many people outside of the Wardens would have known what that referred to.   
  
"What was he doing out there?"  
  
"He's a paleontologist, so I assume he was down there working. And if I'm right, he might be underground, literally. So take your bow, because there are things down there that you can't shoot with a rifle. No bullets in enclosed quarters."  
  
His head spun trying to take in what she'd just said. Nathaniel was underground, researching something and they were going after him. Sebastian sat down, letting his body slump into the chair behind his large glass desk. They were both quiet, she eventually sat down on the couch, waiting for him to respond.  
  
Deciding not to for the moment, he instead concentrated on getting his thoughts together and organizing his work. For ten minutes they were silent, she on her phone once she realized he wasn't going to say anything, and he putting away his work, sending emails to his assistant and various others, and frantically trying to determine if he could take time off. It would have to be managed well, if he was going to do it, but the more he thought it through the more he was sure he could.  
  
The truth was, he wanted to go whether or not he could wrangle the time off. His heart craved adventure, and Tylena called to something in his blood. He wanted to be with her, no matter where she went whether it was underground or in the sky.   
  
"Is he alone?" Sebastian asked after a while. He'd been thinking about the situation, how easy it was to get lost or trapped alone, but less so if you had a team.  
  
"No. There's been no contact with anyone. Do you normally work this late on weekends?" She asked, looking around. The sun was changing outside the large glass picture window that he had to his back, but Sebastian turned to follow her gaze.  
  
Together they watched the sky changing, shadows growing longer, light dying. Supposedly it was spring, but the days weren't long enough, and the weather was still more wintry than warm. "It was supposed to be a half day, but I got distracted." He offered, tossing her a careless smile.  
  
"Right. Well this reading is in two hours, do you want to go home and change?"  
  
The suggestion was pointed, but Sebastian didn't take offense. "I've got another suit here, if you don't mind. I need to finish what I'm doing if we're going to be searching for Nathaniel soon. I assume you want to leave after you and Zevran do whatever you need to do tonight, and I have work to delegate if I'm not going to be here. Plus, at some point I should tell the Viscount I won't be around for an indefinite number of days."  
  
"Don't you mean you're going to ask the Viscount for time off?" Lena was suppressing a laugh, face full of mirth.   
  
She was teasing him, and it felt like it had before. This was almost too easy between them. Not for the first time since she'd called him yesterday, he pushed it away to just enjoy the moment. He responded in kind with a laugh. "No, I never ask, my dear." He said. "He might say no if I did."


	4. Only If For A Night

Sebastian changed before they left, exiting his private bathroom completely transformed from when he'd gone in. The wrinkled clothes and tired expression were gone, and she could smell his aftershave even though the stubble on his face hadn't disappeared. When he came out, he was tucking a fuchsia shirt into charcoal grey trousers, fastening a black leather belt around his waist. It was impolite to stare, but she couldn't help herself, there were hips and shoulders, and a chest she knew was made of muscle underneath the well tailored fabric. Clothes and fashion had always been his thing, and she was glad to know he hadn't neglected it, even if he did wear suit jackets instead of leather ones these days.  
  
"Tie or no tie?" He asked, checking himself out in the mirror. His hands were busy smoothing the front of his pressed pants, though there were no wrinkles to her eyes.  
  
"Hmm." She thought about it, taking her time to stare at him as she did. "Put the jacket on and let me see." She instructed. He did, covering the shirt with a slim cut jacket that emphasized his shoulders. The bright shirt played at his collarbone, disarmingly sexy unbuttoned, nearly casual. He looked fantastic, his auburn streaked brown hair swept back in his usual style, curling slightly at the nape of his neck where it was in need of a trim. It gave him a carefully crafted look of effortless style, the kind photographers ached for in their pictorials.  
  
"No tie." She decided, and he nodded in agreement. Wrenching her gaze away, she traced patterns on the seat of the leather couch with a fingertip to distract herself. She had to stop staring at him, to stop thinking about what if. Whatever was between them was nebulous and strange, but ultimately secondary to the mission she needed to focus on. Her friend was still missing, and she'd spent all day searching for old maps of the Deep Roads, triangulating his coordinates, getting information about the area, and contacting to the people who'd talked to him last and knew what research he was doing. Maddeningly, most of his work was classified, and she hadn't been authorized to know what his final objective was. The day had been drudgery, but no one had done it before since technically he wasn't even all that late for his check in. Still, she agreed with Delilah, it wasn't like Nathaniel not to be prompt. There was something wrong. She bit her bottom lip as guilt washed over her and hoped that her efforts would eventually bring him and his team home safely.   
  
All the hope in Thedas didn't help her at the moment. Here she was sitting on a couch in Kirkwall, and he could be dead. She knew that she'd followed procedure, met with her contacts, cleared being in Kirkwall and retraced his steps, but it felt like doing almost nothing. Part of her thought she should have gone straight into the Deep Roads alone, as foolish as it would have been. At least then she wouldn't be fidgeting in Sebastian's office, filled with guilt, confusion and desire in almost equal parts.  
  
She was grateful when Seb was finished preening, because he distracted her from her own racing mind. With a smile, he led her to where his car was parked underneath the Viscount's Keep. Surprisingly, he hadn't traded in his flash cars for a more comfortable luxury vehicle yet, and she found herself ensconced within the heated seats of his sports car. The bookstore wasn't far away, but the area where Zevran was to read had been closed off. They'd cleared a lot of space for his reading, and it seemed like the whole of the store was rushing about in preparation. It didn't take much for her and Sebastian to be admitted, and she walked straight towards the knot of people near a stack of books.  
  
"Zevran, I'm here and I brought Sebastian."  
  
"Ty, I am so glad you made it." He said without turning around. He was still giving instructions to a harried man in a sweater vest and Tylena took it upon herself to start introductions.  
  
"This is my friend Zev." She said, nodding at the short, beautiful blond man with the facial tattoo that stood next to a lectern in front of a sea of folding chairs. "The star of the hour."  
  
"Just what we need - more models in Kirkwall. The people might come to expect this and then where will we be?" Sebastian said wryly, his mouth quirking up at the corners as he extended his hand to Zevran, who had turned around to give him a megawatt smile. Zev certainly looked the part of the male model, dressed in a pair of expensive jeans and a long sleeved shirt that showed off the contours of his chest. Hung on the collar was a pair of sunglasses she'd never seen before, but had probably come from his last shoot in the Anderfels. When the two men shook hands, Sebastian found himself pulled into a kiss. Tylena smothered her giggles, recalling that it was Zevran's favorite way of greeting newcomers, Antivan style. "It's nice to meet you." Sebastian offered when the embrace ended.   
  
They chatted amiably for a minute more before a bookstore clerk with a headset whispered in Zevran's ear and he had to go. "Please, make yourselves at home in the front row. I love an attractive audience." He said, waving at a section of seats. "Someone, please get my good friends some signed copies of the book."  
  
"Uh-uh." Tylena said. She opened her purse and pulled out a hardbound copy of his book. "I get mine personalized." She said, smiling at him.  
  
Zevran looked absolutely floored, pleasure lighting up his whole face as he beamed at Lena. "Of course, my dearest friend. I will write something special in yours, but after the reading, yes? I try not to cry in public."  
  
She nodded, and they sat down in the front row of seats together. A bookshop worker came over and brought Sebastian a copy of the book already complete with Zevran's signature, and gushed over meeting Tylena. She was polite, smiling and signed an autograph of her own before they were left alone. Sebastian slung his arm around the back of her seat, and she crossed her legs toward him. "Thank you for coming with me."  
  
"It's my pleasure. I haven't been to a reading in some time."  
  
There wasn't much time to talk after that, the doors opened and people started trickling in, filling the room until it was standing room only and people were being turned away ten minutes before the start. When the house lights dimmed, Zevran walked into the spotlight behind the podium. He thanked everyone for coming, calling out Tylena by name before he launched into reading. His melodic Antivan accent made his speech lyrical, tying the words together in an entracing flow as he described scenes from his life, things they'd both experienced, together and as part of the industry. He started at the beginning, with one of his first jobs from the agency.  
  
"The building looked abandoned from the outside, and I kept thinking to myself, well at least you know how to fight. But as we all know, there could be an army hiding in a big building like that and one would never know from the outside. So as things were, I said a short prayer to Andraste, took a deep breath and then went in. As it turned out, there was an army inside, but it consisted of stylists, photographers, make up artists and models. Oh the lovely models! I was so eager to join the ranks of them, me a poor boy from Antiva City, ready to work his way out of the gutter at any cost. The scene was more beautiful than anything I'd ever beheld, tall, gazelle-like beauties stalking around in various states of undress, a king's ransom in clothes being flung around, and lights, all the lights, perfumed sweat and music playing loudly. It was a home I never knew I'd missed until I laid eyes on it."  
  
It was how Tylena felt too. The memories were as much her own as they were Zevran's, part of their shared world. After a particularly sweet ancedote about a mutual friend they'd lost in an accident, she dabbed at her eyes and felt Sebastian's arm around her. He didn't pull her to him, but he was there, comforting and steady. At the end of the reading when Zevran took his bow, she clapped harder than everyone else, and he bounded over to give Tylena a kiss on the cheek. The photographers loved that, the two of them embracing. But it was time for him to sign books and meet his fans, which would occupy him for hours more as he buoyed the business of the store. They skirted out of the reading as fast as they could, before the people in line could ask for her autograph as well. They were photographed leaving together, but that didn't matter to her much, since she did ride with him.  
  
"With all of that out of the way, and Zevran here in Kirkwall, we can get started on the search now. I don't want to let this go another day." She stated once they got in the car.  
  
"Agreed. We can talk about it at the hotel, when we have complete privacy." He suggested.   
  
"Alright. I was going to order dinner, so you're welcome to eat too." The thought of being alone with him made her inexplicably nervous, even though they'd just spent all afternoon in his office. Plus she needed to tell him before they left, so he wouldn't be completely surprised when they got far enough underground to be attacked by darkspawn.  
  
Tylena had every intention of talking, just talking to Sebastian when they left the reading. He drove them to her hotel, parking not with the valet, but in the guest garage. As he'd driven, her nerves frayed, alternately soothed by listening to him hum along with the low music and pulled taut by her own nervousness and tension. The tension at least was a shared creation, loaded by their every glance and interaction, the soft brush of his hand over hers, eons of intimacy between them. She was willing to bet he could still find his way around her body blindfolded, the very thought nearly making her moan aloud.  
  
"Did I ever tell you that I was sorry?" Sebastian asked, out of nowhere.  
  
Tylena looked out the window. "That was a long time ago. Lots of things were said."  
  
"Lena, I don't think I ever properly apologized to you. Let me do it now." Sebastian sucked in a deep breath. She turned to look at him, even though she didn't want to see his face as he said it, but the least she could do was repay his bravery with courtesy. "I loved you and I treated you poorly. I walked out when I should have stood up to my family. I'm sorry for leaving, I'm sorry for the way I left, and for hurting you."  
  
The sting of tears made her throat close, and she could only whisper. "Thank you. I hadn't realized I needed to hear exactly that, but I guess I did."  
  
"It's the only way we'd have another chance together." Sebastian said thickly. That surprised her, and Lena must have looked it because he chuckled. "We're good together." He said. "We always were."  
  
"I let myself stay angry for too long. I missed you." Lena confessed. "Are we really doing this in the car?"  
  
"No better time than the present." He said. "Hearing those stories reminded me of the old days, and I wanted to tell you that I was sorry, so that we can figure out if there is anything good left. Because I think there is, and we both want there to be, otherwise you wouldn't have asked me on a date."  
  
"I guess I wouldn't have. But Sebastian," she turned and looked at him straight in the eyes, "it's not as simple as sorry and everything is fixed. Sometimes sorry breaks as much as it was trying to repair. I just want to move on, to what's to come for us. I think that will serve us better than looking back."  
  
He was quiet for a moment, letting the car idle as he thought about her words. "I can understand where you're coming from, but I don't know that I agree. Lena, the past is all I have of you. I don't know when I am going to see you again or where you are. The memories of you and I together, I don't want them to be tainted by the way we parted. I am sorry."  
  
"I am too." She said. "I'm sorry things were complicated, and that I never said it when I was wrong before. But I can't get into it now, so please, just come upstairs."  
  
He sighed. "Okay." She sensed there was a lot more he wanted to say than just 'okay' but he turned the car off and followed her into the building, leaving his copy of Zevran's book in the back of the car.

 

#####

 

All it took was a touch of his hand to properly dismantle her hastily reconstructed defenses. They were walking through the hotel, towards the elevators that would take them up to the top rooms, where no one would snap any more pictures of them together and the shades were drawn. Where she could tell him the truth, and explain how she needed to introduce him to her contact who would provide them with weapons and armor. But his hand reached for hers and she grabbed it, threading her long, thin fingers through his own. The sensation made her breath hitch, and even as she pressed the call button for the elevator she couldn't focus on anything but the feeling his skin against hers. It was so familiar and comfortable, too long absent.  
  
By the time the elevator doors slid shut, she had Sebastian pressed up against the wall. Just a night ago, she'd ridden the same elevator after leaving him behind. This time, his hands rubbed all over her body and she couldn't kiss him enough. Everything was the same as it had been years ago, but better. His mouth was still just as soft and he liked it when she bit his lower lip just a little. He even sounded the same, deep and rumbling, the lilt of his accent more pronounced whenever he gasped a word in her ear. After all this time, he still felt right.  
  
Her mind was screaming that she was playing with fire, getting involved with the one person she shouldn't even look at. But the rest of her was soothed, by kisses so intense they sparked memories while creating new ones, by the smell that was always just his filling her nose, and the feeling of his hands all over her, setting skin to flame. There was too much between them, Nathaniel missing, a past that she didn't want to get into and he couldn't get over, and yet not enough between them. There was nothing but thin fabric to act as a physical barrier and she could feel the heat of his chest pressing against hers, fingers tumbling through her hair, a moan that started deep within his chest and went straight to her toes.  
  
The elevator didn't take nearly enough time, but they didn't break their kiss as they exited. It was a halting, slow walk to her room, and they only stopped kissing so Tylena could find her key. Sebastian took the opportunity to push her hair to one side and kiss her neck as she fumbled with the keycard and the door.  
  
"Sebastian, that isn't helping." She said.  
  
"It's not my intent to help ye. Right now is more about helping myself."   
  
It made her skin tingle when his brogue was in full effect, and he knew it. Her laughter was shaky to her own ears, and it took more focus than it should have to get the door open. Once it was, it was much like getting off the elevator, the pair of them weren't graceful as they entered but they stayed connected by lips and hips and skin. The door slammed shut behind them, but neither noticed the noise. Her heart was beating too loud to hear anything above it, and Sebastian was whispering her name, unbuttoning her jacket as she pushed his off his shoulders. At the same time, they stepped back from one another, and she kicked off her shoes, immediately losing three inches of height. He watched her go from an inch taller than him to shorter in an instant, but her height was forgotten when she slipped off her jacket.  
  
Underneath it was nothing but a lilac lace bra, almost all sheer save for the straps. It wasn't much besides pretty, not very supportive or maximizing, not what she wore when she wanted to impress with cleavage. It seemed to be enough for Sebastian, who hooked an arm around her waist to pull her close, and began leaving kisses all over her. He kissed her shoulders and arms, her chin and collarbone. His lips scorched as they pressed down on her breasts and onto her ribcage. Fingers clutched at his hair by the time he got to her navel, and she felt him kiss her hips on either side before he came back up to slide the straps from her shoulders. Breathing hard, Tylena unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it from his waistband, urging it off his shoulders so it could join his jacket on the floor.  
  
Sebastian's chest was wider than she remembered, and harder. There hadn't ever been a time when he wasn't in shape, but he obviously worked at it now and she wondered when he found the time. He let his shirt slide down his arms and undid the last buttons at his wrists, then let it flutter to the pile the were making on the ground. Her next move was going to be to step out of her trousers, but she didn't get the chance. Sebastian pinned her to the wall, his bare chest against hers, the intimate contact blotting out all coherent thought. They kissed as much as they could reach of each other, tongues together for a moment, then busy with necks and chins, skimming over skin it once knew before, relearning the taste. She'd forgotten what it was like to kiss his chest, with its whorls of deep brown hair and tiny moles.   
  
A finger lingered in her waistband, searching for a zipper in the front that wasn't there. She felt his finger fruitlessly tracing the front of her pants, and Tylena took pity on him. Twisting slightly, she unhooked the clasp on her right that kept the pants shut, and guided his fingers to the miniscule zipper beneath it.  
  
"Clever." He breathed.   
  
"Women's clothes usually are." She had another retort ready, she really did, but it got swallowed when Sebastian's hand slid into her panties.   
  
There was already a trickle of slickness between her legs, but he knew how to turn it into a flood. Fingers teased the length of her slit, dragging up and down before pushing gently inside of her. Tylena leaned her head back, hardly able to breathe. He pushed in and out of her as much as he could within the confines of her pants, then pulled his wet fingers out to cirlce her clit. He pinched and rubbed, making her gasp. When his mouth clasped over a nipple, she braced her hands against the wall so her knees wouldn't give way under all of the attention. Her hips rocked against his hand, chest arched to bring her as close to his mouth as she could get.   
  
It didn't take long, not with the constant friction of his hand and the suction of his mouth on her hardened peaks. She was moaning, thrashing in the best way possible, chest heaving as the pressure built up and boiled over. Words caught her ears, and she realized that it was her talking, saying Sebastian's name mingled with curses and soft moans. Stars exploded in front of her eyes, a river of diamonds between her legs as she shook. She might have collapsed, were it not for his hand between her legs and the kiss he pressed to her mouth. His breathing was heavy as well, blanketing her face as they kissed more passionately than before. She finished disrobing, taking off her pants and underwear in one quick motion. and letting them fall to the floor. They shared a pulse, the throb the beat between them, a drumming that urged them to be one.  
  
"I missed you, sweetheart. I love you. I love you." Sebastian was breathing into her ear, rushes of words tumbling forth in a bedroom confession. Lena pushed him away, her hands flat on his chest.  
  
"I love you too, but no talking." She declared, and watched the smirk bloom on his face.   
  
"Fair enough." He said, twisting out of her reach as she went to give him a playful smack. They inched towards the edge of the bed, and he eased her down to it, a hand cradling her.   
  
He covered her body with his, stretching out her arms and laying his on top, holding hands with her. They lay there together, as much skin touching as they could get, sharing soft kisses. It was giving their bodies time to remember, finding a way back to a place neither of them thought they'd return. It was comfortable yet sexy, to feel him on top of her, shirtless and intent on nothing but contact. When he rose up, she realized he was still clad in his pants. Sebastian stood at the end of the bed to remove the last pieces of clothing and raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
She knew what he wanted. Rolling over towards the nightstand to her left, she retrieved a pink suede bag and tossed a condom at him. He caught it after a bounce against his chest, and resumed stripping. He stepped out of shoes she hadn't realized he was still wearing, and pulled down his pants. Catching only a glimpse of his boxer briefs before they too were lost on the floor, Sebastian stood before her, completely, impressively naked. This was a picture she liked, seeing him above her. His erection twitched as she watched him roll the condom onto it, and just before he finished, she scooted back on the bed to give him more room.  
  
Sebastian eyed her, returning the gaze she'd given him. For a moment, she remembered that she was different than he'd last seen, she had some scars from fighting and a life in the Wardens he didn't know about. The Joining changed her, physically and mentally. It was why she'd stopped lingerie modeling, though the tabloids had assumed it was due to age. It almost made her self-conscious, but when she looked up at him again, his eyes were dark and half-lidded, and he was snaking a hand up her leg. If he had reservations, it wasn't about her scars. Tylena spread her legs a little more as he worked his way up, and she felt his chuckle against the soft interior of her thigh. He kissed her cunt, ran his tongue along her petals, but kept moving upward. Wet kisses dotted her stomach and breasts, until they were face to face and she felt him positioning himself to slide in.  
  
Their eyes met, and she laid a hand on his brawny shoulder. Sebastian moved his hips just the right way and they shared a gasp as he hit the subtle resistance that meets the first thrust. He hilted himself within her, watching her face morph from the shock of entry to pleasure at being filled. They moved together, hips in concert, her legs twined around his. She let his hands run up and down his sides and back, tickling and teasing the sensitive spots on his body she'd discovered long ago, while the two of them rocked together. He was in deep, her hips tilted up to let him in further, and they watched each other, faces and eyes unguarded.   
  
She let her head fall back, and he kissed her neck and chin, earning a soft purr of contentment for his efforts. They shifted together, her legs wrapping around his waist to bring them as close as possible. With her quick thrusts meeting his, she heard his breath catch in his throat, felt him moving faster within her. He was close, and she could feel it, both of them moving quicker, his moans louder, the sweep of her hands over his sweat-slicked skin sending tremors through him. With a hard slam that rebounded throughout her body, he broke, letting out her name in a strangled cry. He buried his face in her shoulder as he continued to move his hips, working his way through the intensity of the climax until it diminished. They were both breathing hard, him inside of her, when he kissed her.  
  
It wasn't like any of the kisses before - sweet, passionate and loving, but no less charged after their lovemaking. For once, there was nothing to say, and she just kissed and let herself be kissed, loved and was loved in return. Sebastian eased out of her, with kisses and soft touches, and went to the bathroom to discard the condom. When he came back, Tylena was laying in the blankets, unable to wrap her mind around what had happened, but glowing all the same.  
  
"I love you. I always have. I shouldn't have given up on us." Sebastian said.  
  
Tylena swallowed. "I love you too. And I want to be with you, but I'm not sure how it will work." She took a deep breath and added, "because I'm a Grey Warden."  
  



	5. Politics As Usual

An incredulous burst of laughter caught in his throat as Sebastian looked at her, burning as he tried to swallow it back. She had to be kidding - a Grey Warden? A pillow talk confession of this magnitude must be a distraction of some sort, so they wouldn't have to speak seriously about their relationship or the future. Talk about distractions - she was still nude on the bed, but instead of nestling in the blankets as he'd thought they would, she was sitting up straight, legs folded underneath her as he perched on the edge of the bed. Lena was staring straight at him, and there was a gravitas in her gaze, a weight that let him know that she wasn't remotely kidding about being a Grey Warden.

"You joined the Grey Wardens?" Any hint of mirth had died before it hit his tongue, making his voice drop in pitch as he asked. She nodded slowly at him.

"Yes."

"And now you're here, looking for Nathaniel Howe." Pieces began to fall into place in his mind, and he didn't need her to answer. "He's a warden too. This was bad timing. He's gone off the grid, but his sister noticed because their father died and he didn't respond. Delilah's searching for him could blow his cover." Sebastian was talking more to himself than to her, but she nodded.

"I wanted to tell you before we got underground." Tylena began. "But I didn't except this - us."

Sebastian was lost in his own mind as she spoke. Thoughts were churning too fast for him to make sense of, but at least this mission, Tylena in Kirkwall didn't seem so out of place. She hadn't come for him, but that was no blow to his ego. It actually made him feel better, because she'd come to him without the intention to get back in his life, and they'd come back together. The scenario seemed more like the genuine magic of love working than some plan of convenience, and it appealled to the romantic in him.

He help up a hand to stop whatever it was she was saying that he wasn't hearing. "Wait, let me get this straight then. Why do you need my help?"

"Nathaniel is late, but not outside of his parameters. The Wardens said I could go and look for him but they gave me no backup. Zevran volunteered because we've worked together before and he wanted to come to Kirkwall for his book. I need at least a three person team in the Deep Roads, and I knew if you couldn't or wouldn't come, you would help me. Also, you know how to use a bow. Guns are nice for surface work, but deadly down in the deeps." Tylena leaned close to him. "Just because I need your help, doesn't mean I don't love you still."

Sebastian brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. There was no way he'd lose her again, especially not when she needed him. He kept her hand in his, pressing it to his face, holding on. She looked almost shy as she smiled at him, shoulder pressed to her cheek.

"Can we eat now? I'm starving." She asked, and he laughed.

"So long as you tell me all about you becoming a Grey Warden. Don't think you get out of telling me your story just because I love you."

Lena shook her head, smiling at him. "Never. Let's order. That Warden appetite is no myth, I'll have you know. I have to eat every few hours or I get cranky."

He got partially dressed so he could open the door for room service, and stayed with her. Thought swam in his mind as he struggled to comprehend the situation. The Grey Wardens - they were almost a myth to most people, and much more to those who know about them. There were a few things he could say he knew about Grey Wardens that most people didn't. Growing up, he'd learned that the Wardens had protected all of Thedas throughout history. Back in the day the dwarves fought the darkspawn and mined the lyrium. But there were never a lot of dwarves and the ones underground were eventually wiped out along with their cities and highway system - the Deep Roads. The Wardens collapsed most of the old cities and tunnels, to trap the darkspawn. There were a few ways in still, but they made the surface safer by doing it. That was all he knew really, though most people hadn't gotten that far. The common thought was that lyrium, magic and other races were just abstracts in history. 

These days they existed in a somewhat more understated and nebulous capacity. If there was an international intelligence agency, it was the Grey Wardens. Not only were they protectors of man in history, keeping man from abomination and magical beast alike, today they were the nation-less arbiters of peace. Every nation owed them a debt, and paid it by deferring to the Wardens whenever they were in their lands. Whatever assistance they needed they got, by maintaining their staunch neutrality and working to their own agenda.

Lena wasn't able to answer all of his questions, to some she made a face and gave a line about information she couldn't divulge, but for the most part she was forthcoming. He understood that, better than she realized - he too had become privy to secrets in the last ten years, things that weren't necessarily all that interesting, but were classified nonetheless. It was almost ironic in a way, because he was a politician, a prince and the second highest ranking member of the government in Kirkwall and she outranked him. That she even would talk to him about it was a good thing in his eyes, and he suspected she did want to explain before things progressed both in their relationship and their search. Lena did most of the talking, answering questions before he could pose them in most cases. Sebastian was grateful - he had a tendency to stick his foot in his mouth more often than he liked, and because he didn't want to screw up. Every explanation he got was cautious, carefully worded and thoughtful, because Lena shared his fear of their tenuously rebuilt relationship crashing down around them. Ever since she'd left him that message, he'd been promising himself he would do everything in his power to regain her favor, to beg forgiveness and get back in her life. It was all he'd wanted for the past decade and now that he had her, self-preservation kicked into overtime. He wanted her too much to rock the boat with probing questions or remarks, but the knowledge she did this, had joined a near-mythical sect of warriors and almost died doing it nearly ate him up inside.

When their conversation turned into more teasing than talking, all the food gone and Sebastian keenly aware of her foot sliding up his shin, he called it a night. They had to leave in the morning, but he had to get to work first and clear everything up. Zevran was taking care of their weaponry and armor, and was picking them up to take them to entry point for Nathaniel's expedition. When Sebastian started scanning the floor for his clothes, Lena put a hand on his arm to stop a motion he hadn't yet started.

"Are you going to stay the night?" Lena asked softly.

"Do you want me to?" Sebastian asked, genuinely surprised. They weren't likely to rest if they stayed together, though that was more a hazard for him. She had Grey Warden stamina, energy reserves beyond his own and increased strength. Before his mind could formulate proper fantasies based on that knowledge, she spoke again and dashed his hopes.

"Yes. We'll just be sleeping, so try not to be too disappointed."

Sebastian chuckled. "It's not disappointing. Sleeping next to you tonight means there will be other times when we won't be sleeping. That's promising."

It was early, but not early enough that he wasn't awake when the phone rang. He had just finished with Lena again, because just like he remembered she didn't wear anything to bed, and Sebastian felt her bumping against him all night. He was accustomed to rising early and with little sleep, but never in such pleasant company. It was likely the last time the two of them would see a bed for a while, and he took the opportunity. 

The phone played a long, somber note from a bagpipe, then launched into a more festive jaunt native to Starkhaven. Only one person got that ring and Sebastian slid a hand up Lena's side after rolling over to reach for the phone charging on the nightstand.

"It's the Prince." He informed her before picking up. They'd always referred to his father as the 'Prince' in the past, because even though Sebastian was 'a prince' he wasn't 'the Prince of Starkhaven'. Technically, he was fifth in line at the moment, though he hadn't bothered thinking about the throne in years. He had a job in Kirkwall that took more than just a figurehead. A job that he still needed to go to this morning before he could leave with Lena. But first, the Prince's assistant had him on hold while he waited for his father to come on the line.

"Sebastian, my boy, how are you?" His father always began in a jovial tone, no matter what the call was about. 

"I am well, Father. How are you, Your Highness?" He asked carefully.

"Very well indeed, thank you, thank you." He said, puffing a little. A smile twitched at his lips as he thought of his father's thick grey moustache puffing up as he said 'thank you'. "How is Lady Cousland?" His father asked, deciding to spare them both and get straight into it.

Sebastian put a hand over the receiver and asked her. Lena mumbled incoherently into the pillow, but his point was made. "She sends her regards." He answered.

"Sebastian, son. You were in the news again this morning, and we should talk about PR if you're going to keep going out with Lady Cousland."

"I am. So talk."

His father sighed. "I always liked her, you know. Fun, spirited, but still lady enough to know her place. Don't be angry at me because your mother called you first." His father warned. Were he younger, Sebastian might have mistaken this pause for a chance to talk, but he'd argued too many times with the old man not to know the ropes. On the other end of the phone, he waited in silence for his father to gather his thoughts. "It's your intent to keep seeing her?"

"Yes, messere." Sebastian said.

"Alright." His father huffed. "Alright." He repeated. "Give us some fair warning if anything might need us to address it. We'll issue a statement that we don't talk about the relationships of our children in the press and that's that. Unless you'd like us to acknowledge it somehow. Prince and Model at it again?" There was definitely a warning in the bit of teasing, but Sebastian was gladdened that his father hadn't staunchly agreed with his mother on this one. 

For one wild moment, Sebastian almost told his father that she was a Grey Warden. She was more than just a model and Ferelden nobility, in fact, she outranked both of them by virtue of her life. But he couldn't - it wasn't his to tell and he didn't trust his family with the information. They might just siip it into a press release at some point or hint at it. Sebastian shook his head to clear it then answered. "Let it be private, Father. We just want another chance."

"The Vaels of Starkhaven have made it their policy not to comment on the personal lives of their adult children." His father began, and then added, "save for to wish them good luck and advise them to be bold. Good talk, son."

Sebastian smiled as he hung up the phone.

#####

The burn of muscles that were seldom used was the only thing that dimmed Sebastian's spirits as he hurried into work. He hit work as early as he could, after talking to Tylena and making arrangements for the day he reluctantly left her in the hotel alone. She would come to the Viscount's Keep later that morning to talk with Aveline Hendyr in his office. There were other specifics that she and Zevran needed to figure out in the meantime, and he had to finish up what work he could before departing. Upon his arrival, his assistant was dispatched to find him massive quantities of the best caffeine he could procure, while Sebastian fielded another message from the Viscount. The call had come almost two hours before, but Cullen could wait until he got some coffee in him.

"Sebastian." Cullen came on hot on the heels of his assistant, Sebastian barely had time to smell the tantalizingly acrid burn of imported roasted coffee before the Viscount entered, much less take a sip.

"Your Excellency, I was just about to get back to you."

"There's no need, as you can see. Lady Tylena Cousland contacted me to explain what was going on and requested a meeting. She said she was meeting you here already."

Sebastian was surprised at how quickly Lena had worked. He hadn't even done more than sat blinking at his email and she'd already started arranging meetings. "She is to meet me, yes. We have urgent business that can't wait much longer. If you would like her reassurances, it's best you hear them from her yourself." Sebastian said carefully, not sure how much Lena had already told Cullen.

"Tell me why you're going." Cullen asked, raking a hand through the close cropped blond curls on his head. A stab of guilt hit Sebastian - he was supposed to make the Viscount's life easier, not add to his worry. 

"She and I have a history." Sebastian began, and Cullen nodded curtly. "Lena called me for the first time in almost a decade two days ago - and needed help. What was I to say? When I found out what she wanted, I couldn't let her go on alone." Sebastian felt old - too old as he took a glance out the window. "But if you're asking if I'm going because I love her, yes. She had no idea when she asked for my help in the beginning. It just happened from there, old feelings and all that." He said, not wanting to get into any more detail with the Viscount.

When he looked back at Cullen the man was gazing at him thoughtfully. One hand resting on his chin, head tilted to the side, he didn't speak right away but stood there watching him. "I look forward to speaking with Lady Cousland then and finding out what this is all about."

Sebastian nodded primly, hoping his display of emotion hadn't colored the Viscount's opinion against him. He would consider himself lucky if he came back to a job, but upon searching he found it wasn't as important to him. There were things more urgent calling his attention now, and though he loved his job - he didn't need it. "Yes, ser. Of course." Just after the Viscount left his office, Aveline showed up a little early for her meeting with Tylena. It seemed the whole of the Keep would want to speak with her before they left.

Before Sebastian had a chance to greet her, Tylena was whisked away for her meeting with the Viscount. He suspected it was deliberate, but he didn't mind. There was still work to be done, and he made two calls and gave detailed instructions to his subordinates for his absence. All was nearly in place, save for one last piece. The work would be covered, but it was still a concern for him to leave and he hoped to assuage some of his own guilt by convincing Varric to come back for a while, and see if they could lure him into a full time position. It would be different than his last position, a title that suggested he was more of a freelancer than part of the administration, but he would work for them again. Privately, Sebastian hoped he would come back. There were times when it felt like amatuer hour compared to what he was used to, but the start of every administration was rocky. Luckily Kirkwall was a city-state and not a whole nation - he would never leave the office if it were as big as say, Ferelden. Besides, this wasn't a democracy where everything was put to a vote - they had a Viscounty. Things kept rolling so long as people knew where to put them. 

Once Cullen was done with Tylena, there was the matter of Aveline Hendyr. She was sitting in his office, tapping away impatiently at a mobile phone that he suspected she only carried because she was required to. She was mostly silent as they waited, but he got the feeling she knew Tylena, or at least knew of her.

Lena swept into his office, with Cullen trailing behind her, laughing - of all things. 

"You shouldn't have tried the shellfish, Viscount. My mother says never to eat anything that carries its home with it." 

Cullen laughed even harder, his face turning red. "Her Ladyship said that? Didn't you grow up near the sea?"

"Are you an admirer, Your Excellency?"

"I admire all things beautiful, my Lady Cousland. I believe it's my duty to help preserve the beauty in this world." Cullen answered, surprising Sebastian. The Viscount was never this charming when they were trying to get him to work the crowds, but Tylena had brought the reluctant flirt to the surface. Sebastian and Aveline exchanged looks of incredulity, but she recovered first. Tylena bestowed upon him a flash of a beatific smile just as Aveline greeted her.

"Commander." Aveline said, hand proffered to Lena as she moved towards her. "It's an honor."

"And to meet you as well. I am a great admirer of the goals of your agency, though I am sorry we're making our first acquaintance this way." Tylena began and Sebastian noticed she was using the charm on Aveline too. It was a different sort, not nearly as flirty and more directed towards what they had in common - duty and honor, but it worked the same way.

"As a courtesy, I will tell you there are no more Wardens in Kirkwall as part of this mission. I am alone, which is why I need to borrow Sebastian here. The other Wardens we're looking for never actually came into the city, but were outside of it, and went into a Deep Roads entrance that we keep monitored." Tylena frowned as she continued. "Unfortunately they are late with the check in and our electronic surveillance only goes so far. Plus the leader of the team has suffered a death in the family which he needs to be informed of."

Aveline was grave as she nodded. "Do you require anything from us?" She asked, though Sebastian knew they would be reluctant to help the Wardens. Most local groups were - a game of posturing and posing about jurisdictions and who had control over what.

Tylena shook her head. "No, but thank you for the offer. I'll notify you when we secure and leave the area so you aren't wondering who's below your city. That's all I have for you." She said to Aveline. Cullen stayed the whole time but had said nothing, no surprise in his eyes when she gave specifics to Aveline - they'd already discussed it in some detail.

"Thank you, Warden-Commander." Aveline said, this time Sebastian registered the rank. She was addressing Tylena as Commander. He filed that bit of information away to ask about later.

Once Aveline departed, Sebastian started in addressing the Viscount. "Your Excellency, I think its prudent to retain Varric during my absence and see if you can extend it into a more permanent position. At least get him here now, so he can help when I'm gone. Even if he doesn't know what to do - and he won't all the time, he will know what direction we need to go in. My assistants can do the rest, so long as we're back inside of a week."

"I can't promise that." Tylena said quickly.

Cullen heaved a deep sigh. "I wish I could go with you myself, but my sword training was more ceremonial than anything else. And I don't want to politicize your visit here, Warden. Sebastian is only going because the two of you have history." 

"History and future." Sebastian said quickly. Cullen favored them both with a small smile. It pinched his face, making him look tired and older all at the same time. 

"Then I wish you both very well on your trip, and hope to see more of you when you return, my Lady Cousland." He gave her a nod and left the office.

"Commander?" Sebastian asked, the word itself loaded with more questions than he realized he had about it.

"I'll explain later. But yes, Commander of the Grey, though I am not the Commander of Ferelden anymore."

"Lena - you cannot just say that and think you can get away with an 'I'll explain later'." He said.

She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, hooking her arms under his. She stood there behind him, holding him, his warmth and hers comingling, the two of them together. "It's a lot to explain, and it's only been two days. Give me time." She whispered.

He nodded and let her hold him for a minute longer before he pulled away. "I guess I should get that bow down off the wall if I'm to use it. Do you have arrows?"

"Zevran's a decent fletcher, and he's meeting us with supplies. Before we descend, you'll have a chance to test everything out and try on your armor, but we'll be getting our last glimpse of sun well before noon. I hope you keep it in your mind, because the Deep Roads are dark and full of things that don't want us there."

"Perfect." Sebastian grunted as he pushed his couch under the mounted longbow. "Sounds like a great way to vent frustration."

Tylena smiled at him, similar to the look Cullen had just given them. He knew his enthusiasm was showing through - but he couldn't help it. This was an adventure, even if it was to go to a place he'd only thought existed in history and try to save a missing Warden group. After giving his assistant a few more instructions and firing off some emails, Sebastian closed his office, standing on his couch to take down the shining hardwood longbow that had once belonged to his grandfather.

Zevran met them in the parking garage, pulling up in a dark SUV with tinted windows and Kirkwall plates. "Get in my lovelies." He cooed from a window that opened only enough to display his eyes. "I've got big weapons in here."

Sebastian laughed, taking the longbow that was nearly as tall he was and placing it in the trunk. "Are we actually doing this?" He asked, more to himself than the others.

"Oh yes." Zevran replied. "I've got black leather armor for you." Tylena made a noise of approval, earning another lilting laugh from Zevran. "I take it you approve my dear? Good. I am to please. Now get in so we can find Nathaniel and get back before the darkspawn hear about us coming." 

And with that, they zoomed away from Kirkwall towards the Deep Roads entrance on the Wounded Coast.


	6. Going Down

A nervous sort of fear bubbled inside of Tylena, threatening to break to the surface at any moment. She had to focus on the mission - it was imparative to find Nathaniel alive. At least, it was for her. She didn't want to brave those deeps only to come across the corpse of a man she'd grown up with and cared about. Her throat closed up as she beat back the thought, and she forced her eyes ahead towards the road. Shifting in her seat, she tried to mask her discomfort with impatience, pointedly looking out the window and checking the coordinates on her phone. The drive felt like the walk of the damned, no way to turn back and not at all eager to reach the destination. The Deep Roads were perilous for anyone, but downright awful for her. She couldn't imagine what the wardens with Nathaniel's expedition were feeling like after so long below. They were probably ready to climb the walls.

The Wardens had horrible stories about the Deep Roads, and for good reason. They were restricted, and a warden only allowed to spend so much time in them per year, but in times of war or necessity those bans were lifted. That alone was cause enough to keep their numbers up, because they simply didn't know what else lay dormant down there. There were horrors that only Wardens were trained to deal with and tainted monsters and evil creatures were the least of them. There was a lot of Deep Roads and history to uncover, but they had rules and protocol for the searches that ventured far down, the lure of ancient knowledge not enough to risk losing a whole company of wardens. Legends and stories were still told of the wardens of old, but the line was blurred between what was truth and what had become a fantastic story. Much was lost to them - whether on purpose or just through neglect she didn't know, but the historian within Tylena lamented that fact whenever she had time to make a trip to Weisshaupt for study. There was so much they could learn from the past of Thedas, but far more that was probably better lost. She just hoped if she ever stumbled upon something important in the Deep Roads, she would know which it was.

The passageways once had been a grand underground road system that connected the dwarven kingdom across Thedas. Then in time, it became a battleground, with more and more of it ceded to the darkspawn with each passing year. There were huge breeding grounds, archdemons and corrupted spiders along with the darkspawn. Historically, it had always the place of wardens to slay them, to go down there and walk to their deaths killing as many of the beasts as they could. Things were different in modern times than in antiquity, but the scourge still threatened Thedas. If it hadn't persisted in being a threat there wouldn't be any more true wardens, but sadly they were still needed. No matter what innovation and time had passed, corruption lived deep in their world and the ignorant populace on the surface merely sat in the time between wars.

It brought a wry smile to Tylena's face to think of it all. She'd known the risks and hardships before she joined, and did it anyway. There were some things in this world that deserved to be preserved. Being a Warden was an honor and her privilege. The downsides were worth the risk, if she could stand for something more than herself.

Time and technology had changed the face of the Grey Wardens. There was no longer a need to go to the Deep Roads to die, but rather to one of their special secure hospitals. She was in extremely good health almost all of the time thanks to her Warden blood, but when the end came there would be no saving her. Eight years had passed since she'd undertaken the Joining, and the semi-magical rite that had proven fatal for two other recruits, leaving her the sole survivor of her group. According to all medical standards possessed by the wardens, she had about thrity-seven good years left of her life before the Joining left her body dessicated and close to death, something between darkspawn and woman. In the past it had been a much shorter period, and she was glad for the reprieve handed to her by medical advancement. She didn't worry about being young when she died, but rather how much she could do with the time she had.

These were the things she didn't have time to explain to Sebastian before they left. Things Zevran already knew about her. He'd been with her in the beginning, eight years ago when they'd faced down a different foe, but this wasn't the time for recollections. The GPS unit on the dash gave off the directions in a Ferelden accent, leading them to the National Park where they would leave their vehicle. Nathaniel would have been more secretive, but she didn't have to be. The ranger was expecting them. He would be of help to the Wardens, and probably all flustered at meeting one - unless he was old enough to have met one already. Most people simply didn't know what to do when they met a Warden.

After arriving and checking in with the ranger, it took longer than she wanted for them to get situated and ready to descend. Sebastian wasn't used to wearing armor, even their lightweight, modified version of it and had to get reacquainted with his bow and arrows. She questioned her own wisdom in bringing him more than once, but it was far too late to back out. Her heart beat quickened at the thought of finally getting to her mission. Part of her hoped it would be easy, that Nathaniel and his crew merely had faulty equipment or would turn up at the hospital, sporting bruises and cuts but otherwise okay. That she had to go and find them made a hard grimness settle over her features, even as she watched Sebastian shoot out of the corner of her eye. Once he got the hang of the bow again, he was fluid and graceful with it - a thing of beauty. People fawned over her body or looks all the time, but rarely did she get to appreciate it in another. 

Shouldering her pack, Tylena made sure everything was secure, the car untraceable should they not return the same way and then motioned for them to head down the path that would lead them underground. They were all silent, following her lead as they walked.

"Sunlight, how I wil miss you." Zevran said softly just before they headed down the path and into a sheltered cave that hid an entrance to the Deep Roads. No turning back now.

"I know, I'll miss it too. Hopefully this time it will be quicker than our last visit." 

"You two have been down here before?" Sebastian asked. 

Not for the first time that day, Tylena felt a rush of affection as she turned to answer him. He'd was only here because he loved her, and that meant more than anything to her. Sebastian had no idea where they were going or what they would encounter, and she'd done a poor job of explaining before they left, their collective energies focused more on reuniting than on their goal. But he was with her, by her side without reservation. Sure, he didn't know all of the dangers like she or Zevran did, but he was perfectly aware that this wasn't remotely close to safe. 

"Not here specifically, but to the Deep Roads, unfortunately yes." Tylena answered with a shiver. "It never gets any easier."

"Now you're just being pessimistic." Sebastian chided, but she shook her head. 

"Don't. We're not kidding. Come on, you'll see." She said. After a short walk through a drippy cavern overgrown with moss, she pushed her way through to the hidden electronically sealed entrance that hid the passageway to the Deep Roads. After entering a ten digit PIN and giving her voice ID, they were admitted, Zevran entering with a sigh.

"Are they all locked up like this?" Sebastian asked. "It's like trying to get into the War Room in the Viscount's Keep."

"Yes. Some are even more controlled because they're active. Be grateful this one isn't overrun with darkspawn that pour into the outskirts of Kirkwall."

"Not yet, at least." Zev said.

This time, Sebastian seemed to understand they weren't kidding and when she glanced back at him, his grim expression mirrored her own. Something desperate inside of her waned to lighten the situation some, to make a joke or be reassuring, but she couldn't do him that disservice. 

She loved him too much to lie about the dangers. Or perhaps she was too selfish and her desire for him to be nearby overrode her good sense in keeping him away from harm. Tylena didn't like to think of it that way, but the thought had marched to the forefront of her mind more than once. It was moot at the moment, because they were already at the threshold.

The door slammed shut behind her, cutting off the flow of air and underscoring the seriousness of their undertaking. There was no sunlight here, not this deep into the cavern and with the entrance closed behind them, it was dark and cool. She almost felt as if she were shutting out the cool, pale light of the sun in favor of the dark heat that the would descend into. It wasn't warm around them, not yet, the dirt chilly and damp from its access to the surface., but it wouldn't take long. Tylena took a moment to let her eyes adjust to the darkness, using the time to straighten the pack on her back that was now covered by her lightweight commander's shield, paired with a matching sword on her hip. Combined with her armor it was heavy, but she didn't work out just for the sake of vanity.

Sebastian had long since learned to keep hesitation out of his voice, so when she asked, "You ready?" she wasn't surprised to hear him answer in the affirmative. The only thing that belied the confident tone of his voice was the way she could see his bright eyes darting around in the darkness, unsure and wary. 

Zevran brought up the rear and she in front, an LED flashlight in her hand to illuminate the unfamiliar path. Sebastian was in the middle, just at her back, not even an arm's length away. She needed that, needed him here with her. The Deep Roads weren't a place she could brave alone anymore. She drew in a deep, shaky breath and felt Sebastian put his hand on her arm. She smiled at him, but wasn't sure if he could see it properly, so she patted his hand reassuringly.

"Let's go. We've got a Warden to save." She said, and lead them down a path that had recently seen use. So far, so good she thought to herself. Hopefully, their luck would hold as they went deeper, but the Deep Roads weren't known for being kind or lucky to the Grey Wardens.

 

#####

Seeing Tylena as a warrior was a completely foreign concept to Sebastian, yet he admired the process as she morphed before his eyes. The woman that stood before him as they trudged further and further away from the world he knew was someone he'd never known lived within her skin. She was a commander, a fighter, and nothing at all like the somewhat shallow model she pretended to be. He understood in a way because he hid himself - especially from his family - protecting the most vulnerable parts of his nature and revealing them only in glimpses, but Tylena was something, someone he'd never known. There was a person between the two worlds, between Warden and the model turned businesswoman, that he suspected was truly Tylena. But there was no way to see that woman now, because she'd been hidden away under all that strange, flexible "heavy" armoring that completed her transition to warrior, and adorned with a shield.

He'd watched her pull her long dark hair into a tight club at the nape of her neck, practice guiding her hands to do it quickly. She'd checked her sword and shield before setting to her armor, testing the weight in her hands as if remembering a forgotten poem. Maker help him - he found the whole transformation incredibly sexy to watch.

When she'd put on the armor he hadn't gotten a chance to watch because his own required his full attention. It was like nothing he'd ever worn, probably because there was nothing in history or beyond like it. It was called leather, but it was truly a leather-like synthetic, durable and light. Underneath it was lined with the kind of fabric that runners often wore to keep them cooler on long runs. There were archer's gloves and boots, almost like a cross between hiking and combat boots that finished off the ensemble. Overall, it wasn't very hard to wear and had obviously been designed for warden activity, to keep him safe and mostly unencumbered. Still, it was strange to be wearing armor of any sort. It felt incredible even though it did nothing to diminish the weight of the old bow and quiver he had strapped to him, but that weight he knew.

"How are you doing, Sebastian?" Zevran asked as they hiked further underground. Every hour or so, one of them started checking the others, asking about hunger and fatigue as they descended. It was the third time the question had been asked, and their scenery had yet to significantly change. It seemed a cave like any other, but he had little experience underground or in caves. They were following a rocky tunnel that only Lena seemed able to navigate, but he suspected that was done on purpose. The longer they walked, the less it smelled like the dirt he was used to, the dirt that wallowed in air and sunlight and became more rock and faint hints of lyrium and a scent older and less familiar. He could only taste the metallic bite of lyrium in the air when his tongue darted out to swipe across his lower lip, but he registered the accumulation and knew it as different from the air he was used to breathing. Lyrium was rare these days, but he knew it from his childhood. The Prince of Starkhaven was the guardian of rare relics, and there were runes there still, the magic and lyrium preserved longer than the knowledge of how to make them.

"I'm just fine, Zev. How are you holding up?"

"This is just a vacation for me. I'm thinking about selling my flat in Antiva and simply living here so I can enjoy the splendors as an ancient dwarf would."

Both he and Tylena laughed, but he only caught the fragmented echoes of her laughter as she led them further down. He wasn't really sure what to do anymore, too far out of his element. All he could do was follow the leader right now, further into the darkness. Were things closer to what he knew and say they were involved in a diplomatic situation, he would have pressed into allies and enemies alike until they got what they wanted, bargaining as if his life depended on it. Sebastian loved that part of his job, where he got to dicker and deal and change the face of the world with the chips he played. It was a power trip that sent adrenaline racing through him no matter what time of day or night it was, or how long he'd been up trying to broker a deal. 

Whatever Tylena needed him for, he would do it, even if he just wound up carrying her pack. If she just wanted him to watch her back, to set arrows loose into a distant foe, well he could do that too. He wasn't as young as he used to be, but his bow he could use, and he definitely could fight. There were scraped knuckles and bruises in his past, black eyes and people threatening to sue. There were always litigious types when you were the least bit fame-worthy. Sadly, he wasn't out of practice at fighting or dodging blows. But he was so far out of his element that it was nearly comical. Not that the adventure didn't appeal to him, because it did, but it was so fraught with danger that it dulled even the brightest hope of unlocking secrets of the past and learning about the Wardens.

Sebastian, so far from comfortable and feeling as superfluous as a third tit, did what he always did when he didn't know what else to do. He turned to Zevran and asked with a twinkle in his eye that was distinguishable even in the semi-darkness, "Has Lena ever told you the story of how we met?"

"No, I don't believe she has." Zevran answered, perking up. "Or why you're the only one that calls her Lena."

"Am I?" Sebastian started. He hadn't realized that discrepancy. "It's what I've always called her."

"It's how I introduced myself to you. I thought it made me sound older and more cool than 'Ty' did. Fergus was forever calling me 'ty-ty', my baby name." Lena explained with a small laugh. "Plus, I liked having a name that only you called me. I missed it..." She trailed off, but Zevran filled in the silence.

"So you were giving out fake names and trying to seem older when the two of you met?" Zevran asked shrewdly. "How long ago?"

"I was twenty and causing mischief on one of her shoots. I had no idea she was fifteen until her mother pulled me away by my ear."

Lena laughed, this time a true, fully bodied laugh. "She did not, did she? I was a little young for you then, I suppose. To think, that was almost twenty years ago. I've known you for over half of my life."

"We did a lot of growing up together, to be sure." Sebastian said. "And yes, your mother did pull me away by the ear. It hurts to even think back on it."

Together, Sebastian and Lena told Zevran the story of how they'd met and eventually gotten together. There was more for him to tell than her, because to her she was simply working and being chaperoned around by her mother, but he mentioned how he kept track of her, how he even called her agency and pretended to be a journalist to find out her birthday. Whether she knew it or not, she'd been the stabilizing influence in his life for the time they were together. 

He couldn't deny that he was already allured by the obvious charms of a jetset lifestyle, filled with beautiful models and fueled by his parents money, but he'd always had more with Lena. They hadn't done that together - while there were loud parties with high-grade cocaine chased with expensive champagne, the two of them hadn't indulged. Her influence and his parents dire warnings held him back when he might have been tempted to experiment, and she considered anything that might ruin her chances at success or beauty a risk not worth taking. Tylena had griped often about smoking at parties, not because it made her cough, but because it dried out her skin and hair. In those days, her conscientiousness came as a direct result of her narcissism, but it had never repelled him. He liked that she stuck to something, even if it was a dedication to her own beauty.

The three of them were laughing through another old anecdote - this one of Zevran's telling when Tylena stopped and shushed them. She made a motion that Sebastian didn't catch in the dimness, and Zevran moved towards the front of the group. What he did, Sebastian wasn't sure of until he heard the snap of a spring and a whoosh of air. A trap to disarm. He had some familiarity with them himself, he'd learned to detect traps and disarm them when he'd acquired lockpicking skills - purely academic he'd told his mother, but they'd saved his hide more than once. Apparently the old skills would be of some use down here.

Tylena was looking around carefully, shining light into the dark corners. Sebastian hadn't noticed while they'd been talking, but earth here had changed. Instead of traversing what looked like a disused cavern, now they were definitely in something that had been constructed, a walkway that led to or away from someplace. The walls were further apart and had empty sconces that once held lights.

"So people lived here?" He asked, unable to keep the awe out of his voice. It seemed almost fantastical to imagine a whole civilization, cities and roads just as they were above but under his feet, lacking sunlight.

"Once upon a time." Lena confirmed, but then hushed him. "And are apparently still dying here." She said, carefully moving towards a dark mound a little further in.

As she moved closer, the darkness was banished by the light she held, but not the smell. The body was fresh enough that the food in the stomach hadn't started to rot, but there was the scent of death and decay about him.

"He's not a Warden." Lena said after making a careful examination without touching the body. "But looks like a hireling, poor sod. Probably a scout who forgot the traps reset themselves. Look here." She pointed at the blood leading over to him, and the light flashed across a gruesome injury Sebastian wasn't prepared to see. He averted his eyes and said a soft prayer to Andraste. His parents had forced him to go to the Chantry as a young boy for punishment, and though he had largely abandoned services, he found a comfort in the recitation of a prayer for the dead at that moment. Zevran wasn't looking at the body either, but down the caverns, carefully assessing their route for more traps.

"We'll have to leave him here for now but I will cover him and make sure that nothing comes to um, disturb the body." She heaved a heavy sigh as she knelt down and began rummaging through her pack. Sebastian moved away, across the cavern to rest his head against the wall. The cool rock seeped into a forehead he hadn't realized had sweat on it and he gulped down air. He'd seen the dead before, but never, ever like this. Withdrawing his head from the now warmed rock where he'd been leaning, he sank down to the ground and sat, waiting. Lena moved like she'd done this before, moving quickly and methodically, and he realized that she had brought all the supplies needed to tend to a body in her bag. 

The realization pulled at him, taking a great deal of the peace he'd created away. There was a chance that this wasn't to be a rescue mission after all, as sick as the thought made him, he was glad to know it now instead of when he came face to face with the lifeless eyes of someone he'd once known. No matter his feelings about Nathaniel Howe, he ardently hoped that wasn't the case.


	7. A Viscount's Eyeview

Kirkwall seemed a lot more chaotic without Sebastian around, and it wore on Cullen. There were at least five times in the afternoon when he was going to walk into Sebastian's office and ask him something, but had to stop himself. He knew the man did a great deal of work for him, and some of the work that he should be doing himself, but he hadn't realized quite how much until he simply wasn't there anymore. It was annoying, to say the least, and frustrating most of the time, because there was simply no one else that could fill Sebastian's role while absent. There wasn't another person in all of the Viscount's Keep who knew as much, worked as long or could answer his questions as quickly. Cullen was starting to think it would take a team of people to replace Sebastian, if it came down to it. He hoped it wouldn't.

He also missed his friend, Sebastian. It is a strange thing to think because they haven't been friends for very long, but their friendship was forged in fire and sealed by it- the long hours of work, the times when Cullen was called from home to come back because of some crisis and found Sebastian was here first or hadn't left, the drinks they shared together on the roughest of days, the easy way Sebastian listened even when he complained and grappled with the intricacies of his new position. Cullen considered Sebastian something more than a good friend now, no matter what they'd been when he'd taken office. The former Viscount Dumar had advised him to make his best friend Chief of Staff when he'd taken office, and in a roundabout way, Cullen had done just that, though he hadn't realized how close he and Sebastian would become at the time.

They spent time together outside of work as well, so much that his kids had stopped calling Sebastian 'Prince Vael' and started calling him 'Messere Sebastian'. Solona wouldn't allow them to call him simply by his first name, but it had become decidedly less formal as Sebastian accompanied him home for dinner. He fingerpainted with Cullen's brood while discussing policy, and played make-believe while feasting on macaroni and cheese with them. Cullen thought it showed dedication but the most astute Solona ventured that it made Sebastian feel less alone. His attempts at doting uncle with Cullen's kids made him wonder about his real family from time to time, but save for a few mentions they never spoke of it.

This mission, rescue or whatever it was that Commander Cousland was doing in the Deep Roads was important to her, and by extension, important to Sebastian. They hadn't been in office long when Sebastian confided in him about her, talking earnestly about his regret, the mistakes that were made in the past. It came about when Cullen asked him about his family, his past and why he was content to stay in Kirkwall when there had to be a more leisurely life for a prince in Starkhaven. At the time, it had seemed that there would be no future for Sebastian and Tylena, since they weren't on speaking terms. That conversation, months ago and over a well-aged whisky, was why Cullen let Sebastian go, the charms of Tylena Cousland only aiding his decision to grant Sebastian indefinite leave to follow her.

Cullen listened, over a tumbler of neat liquor as Sebastian spoke of his family, of the control they had that kept him away from Starkhaven, and of dark, bitter regret that forever kept him from reaching out to Lena. His Lena. That's what he called her, his Lena. Cullen leaned back in the leather armchair and let Sebastian go on, falling a little in love with Tylena Cousland himself as Sebastian saw her. That she was beautiful wasn't up for debate, she was beautiful for a living - her image sold glossy magazines on covers and in advertisements. But what his chief of staff mentioned was something more personal and nebulous, that Tylena was fierce and bright, that she was never sweet, but strong, bold and complex. With a sheepish laugh, Sebastian admitted of being jealous too, because she had been taught to live like a man, and pay no regard to the restrictions cast upon women. For all her denials that she was her father's heir, the traits were apparent in her, the skill all too obvious to those that weren't her. 

"I met Tylena Cousland today." Cullen informed his wife Solona when they were finally alone. It was considerably later than the time dinner, but just in time to read his kids a story before putting them to bed.

"The model? What was she doing here of all places? Is she as pretty in person as she is in the advertisements?" Solona asked as she stretched, arms extending above her head. She was tired, he could see it in the tightness around her eyes, the slowness of her gait. Her days were long and she had much to do, but she waited up for him almost every night, so they could have this time to themselves.

Cullen considered the question, taking his time before answering. "I wouldn't call her pretty. It doesn't seem like enough of a word to describe her. She's breathtaking, formidable, and powerful."

"Sounds like your kind of woman." Solona said jokingly, and they laughed together. Cullen was always impressed by powerful women, his wife included.

"She and Sebastian have a history, surely you remember?" He asked, though before Sebastian had mentioned it he hadn't really known too much about it. Solona shook her head at him, wrinkling her nose prettily as she did. "They used to date, years ago. I understand they had their own little group of photographers and fans that followed them. Sebastian used have his pictures in those teen heartthrob magazines."

At that, Solona snorted wickedly and they both descended into laughter again. It took some moments before they were able to speak coherently again, and Solona asked, "So why was she here?"

"To get Sebastian. It's a long story and I can't tell you all of it, but she needed or wanted him for whatever reason, and so when he asked for the time off, she was there this morning."

"Huh." Solona grunted, shedding her clothes to get into the shower. Cullen's mind no longer followed their conversation, but her as she stripped off her clothes without reservation and heads toward the bathroom. "Well, I hope they get it together, whatever it is. Sebastian seems lonely, like he could use someone."

"Yeah." He agreed absently. Solona was brushing out her hair, so dark that the strands of grey stood out clearly within it. His wife wasn't anything like Tylena Cousland physically but in his eyes, there was no comparison between the two. Solona was shorter and her body rounded, her breasts, thighs and hips larger than when they'd gotten married so long ago. But she was his, and had always loved him just as he was. He'd been younger, fitter, and had a soft-spokeness he'd long since abandoned back in those days. The years had been good to them - four kids, three houses, and two long-distance moves from one country to another had happened in the meantime. 

But Solona was still his wonderful, amazing, beautiful wife through it all, and even now, when she saw him more on the news than in person. Cullen sank down onto their bed as she went into the bathroom, and he heard the rush of the bathtub filling with water within seconds. It added a patter to the background noise, quieter and closer than rain, more like a babbling brook as the water came up through their old pipes, but the sound was comforting nonetheless. Through the years Solona had never stopped being the one he wanted, the only one in his eyes, the person he depended upon to keep his world right, the one who loved unreservedly and encouraged him. Had he lost her to his own folly or that of a domineering family - he would have lost the most important parts of himself.

Upon coming to that realization was when Cullen began to feel truly sorry for Sebastian, a friend he'd never counted on making. At first it had seemed impossible that they might be anything more than necessary parts of work to one another, especially since Sebastian had never found his footing in the last administration. Flashy, irritatingly handsome Sebastian, who was a prince in his own right and a king in Cullen's eyes for all the work he did, the help he offered without needing to be asked, in the way he never made Cullen feel like less while he was learning. Sebastian who dated models and sent half the Viscount's Keep swooning with his accent but didn't like to talk to his parents on the phone, much less visit home. 

Cullen couldn't imagine how lonely Sebastian must be and realized that Solona was once again in the right - Sebastian could use someone in his life. Though it was dangerous, he was glad he'd let him go down to the Deep Roads with the Warden Tylena, because it would have ruined their friendship had he not. He had a niggling suspicion Sebastian simply would have quit and gone on without permission. Cullen shook his curly head, trying to dislodge that thought from his mind. He hoped that this trip could help mend things between Tylena and Sebastian, although he got the feeling they'd already taken up with each other again, in a way more serious than indicated by the gossip they were generating.

He went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, sleepier at just the thought of it. A wall of humidity smacked into him when he opened the door and Cullen was silently grateful that they didn't have to worry about the water heater on top of everything else. The Viscount's mansion was a big, old, rambling estate that was mired in history, a gorgeous outside with its manicured grounds and well-maintained foliage. There was certainly enough space for his family out there, and he didn't worry too much about them destroying history while playing outside. The interior of the mansion was a completely different story sadly. For all its impressive size, it wasn't meant for a family of six with most of the kids under twelve and a dog. Much of the furniture came with the house and had to go into storage to protect it when they'd moved in. 

The kids picked at the peeling wallpaper, broke vases and he'd caught one of them scribbling in the leather-bound books in the library. The place just wasn't made with young children in mind, and to his knowledge it hadn't housed anyone very young since Saemus Dumar was a boy. But there had only been one of him, and no mabari following the trail of crumbs left by well-meaning kids. Were it solely up to him, he'd knock down a few walls and bring it up to date, but all of Kirkwall would know if the Viscount wanted to change the mansion and he could just imagine the backlash. They'd have to budget for it - and everything he wanted for his family, bigger rooms, newer walls, heating with air instead of the water that hissed through the pipes and scared his kids - all of it would be reduced to line items and scrutinized as necessary or not. Maybe later into his term he could get into it, but certainly not at the beginning.

He pulled a washcloth from the wire shelf that stood over the toilet that served to hold the linen, since the actual linen closet was down the hall and no mounted shelves could be placed on the lath and plaster walls. The walls were wallpapered over in the bathroom, a dark red brocade that might have been fine in upon installation but was showing age and wear. Standing at the pedestal sink, he couldn't seen himself in the mirror but it didn't matter - he wasn't going to attempt to shave. Cullen was still too preoccupied with Sebastian and Tylena Cousland, hoping that they were alright and thinking about adding them to his nightly prayers.

"It's awful lonely in here." Solona called out to him through the haze of heat and moisture. The words weren't loud, but the way she said them was both provocation and invitation. He'd passed her on the way in, but joining her hadn't occurred to him. Praising Andraste for whomever put in a clawfoot tub big enough for two, he turned around to face his wife. A smile spread across Cullen's face as he abandoned all thoughts of Sebastian.


	8. Retreat Into Memory

All the levity that Sebastian had worked so hard to inject into their outing was lost with the discovery of the body. He didn't do the dead the disrespect of trying to force cheerfulness back into their group afterwards. They were somber and silent as a lot, even long after the body had been left behind. They had a mission, and it was hard and more realistically defined than ever before. The gruesomeness made his eyes water and dread fester in the pit of his stomach as he thought about finding more bodies, perhaps people that Lena knew. Each day would draw them in deeper, further way from the safety and comfort of all he knew. They were all quiet, out of respect, in contemplation, or just fatigue - he didn't know which it was for the others but for him it was a combination of it all.

Nathaniel Howe was lost down here someplace, and one of his men had been killed without anyone coming to look for him. It shook him deeply and Sebastian couldn't eat when they finally stopped and made camp in a sheltered cove of rock that provided a good cover. There was water nearby, and after testing it, Tylena declared it clean enough to drink and wash themselves with. Unexpected gratitude rushed through him at that revelation - when he got home he was going to shower for a week to get off the grime. 

After he cleaned up, Sebastian sank down at their camp, limbs aching and mind too tired to think. The ground he sat on was cold, but he could taste the scent of heat in the air, knowing that as they went further down it would only grow warmer. It was distant but familiar and tasted like the dry, packed earth on a summers day, waving with lines of heat, but more intense. He wondered just how far they could go before it was uncomfortable, but that seemed like it would be much further than they needed to venture. Further in the Deep Roads didn't just mean downward, not exactly, but pushing beyond easy reach of an exit to the surface.

Zevran sat near their fire, the flame just big enough to warm themselves and provide light for their lookout. They didn't need to cook over it, and he couldn't think of anything in the Deep Roads that they'd killed or come across that he'd want to feast upon anyway. Tylena and Zevran decided that they would each take a shift and he would sleep, despite his feeble protests that he too could take a turn at being the lookout. 

"No, just sleep. It's hardest the first day. We can discuss it again when we next camp." Tylena said, her voice crisp and official as she gave the order. He didn't argue.

That first night, or what he considered night because they slept, he had Tylena again. When she returned his kiss, he closed his eyes and wished briefly for the comfort of her hotel room again. But this wasn't like their reunion, there was nothing sweet about it. He took her hard and greedily, with fingers and mouth, just so he could hear her call his name again. If he was going to be faced with death, whether it was his own or that of others, he wanted to know that sound again. The breathy whisper of his name, the choked cry of pleasure that he brought forth - those were the sounds he needed to keep his sanity, to cling to while they descended deeper. This place effected his psyche more than he ever guessed it would. The feeling her her hands buried in his hair, thighs clamped tight around his face, they made him feel less vulnerable. He didn't know if it helped Lena, but he thought it did. 

Neither of them were gentle when she mounted him, but gentle wasn't the point. She wanted to feel him as much as he needed to feel her, and in the end, he didn't remember much more than that. There was heat and hands, the smell of dirt and cool water and a darkness that become complete when he closed his eyes.

He hadn't meant to be so selfish, and at first the thought of sex hadn't crossed his mind. But they'd split up to sleep after eating, with Zevran taking the first shift of watch. When Tylena had gone into the tent, he hesitated before following her. Zevran merely raised an eyebrow at Sebastian, as if too amused by Sebastian's facade of restraint to voice the question. 

Sleep was rough that night, and when he awoke, tossing and turning, Lena was still laying with him. Apparently he hadn't been sleeping for very long at all, and he woke to her tender hands stroking the hair back from his forehead. The feeling of dread that had dogged him even as sleep claimed him was lessened, but not banished. It was just too jarring, the experience of the Deep Roads, though he hadn't imagined it being anything great to begin with, this was painful and dark. He listened to Lena, giving in to her comfort and counsel when she curled in next to him, soothing him back to sleep. "Just go someplace happy, and keep that spark in your mind." She'd whispered.

With his mouth still full of the taste of her, he focused on her, shutting out the world until it was just him and her, as they existed in his memories. After a while it worked, as he folded further and further into himself, retreating into his mind. He thought of Lena and how she looked that first night in Kirkwall, when she'd called him and started this mad adventure. That dress and those legs were enough to make him groan under his breath, and he lost himself within her again, this time only in memory. Without true direction, he though back on more intimacies, small ones like when he used to paint her toenails and store the polish in the refrigerator to bigger things, like their first time.

He'd been so enthralled by her, but that hadn't really ever changed. There had been women before, but he just liked her - Sebastian would have been happy to be her friend, but her interest in him almost made him giddy. There was a luminescence about her in those days that was astounding, and sometimes he was blinded by the brilliance. She could be so blase about everything, but she never hid her enjoyment of him, especially not in those critical moments when they were first getting to know each other.

Though they'd kissed a few times since he'd taken her out for her birthday, that had been the extent of it between them until the week at the very fringe of spring when the fashions for summer and fall debuted on the runway. She'd kept him at arms length for a while, and it made him even more desperate to be with her. They'd slept together for the first time in Orlais, on the last night of fashion week. He was sure that he could figure out the date if he were so inclined, the internet having recorded all things for posterity. It didn't matter in his memories. 

He'd seen her in the shows all week, kissed her at a few of the parties between but had somehow managed to lose her on the last night, when the parties were the biggest and most desperate. Sebastian gave up on finding her amongst the mass of bodies sandwiched into a club, the smells of smoke and perfume mixed with sweat nearly choking him as he pushed his way through the sea of people, and decided to try her apartment. He toyed with the idea of waiting there for her - if she wasn't already there she was bound to go home eventually.

He went, bringing with him treats, pastries bought on a whim. He'd passed a late night bakery, which he'd entered with an incredulous shake of his head and a sigh. "Only in Orlais.", he'd mumbled, all while glad that they were open. When he reached the stately old building where she lived, a converted convent turned into apartments, he grew unexpectedly tense, palms sweating and breath ragged as if he'd run there. Sebastian hadn't expected no one to answer the bell when he rang, but Lena was there, dressed in nothing but a long white shirt, not quite long enough to be a nightdress. She opened the door and he held out the paper bag with two croissant inside.

"You left without me." He said, stepping inside.

"I had no idea you were waiting for me. It was getting late and I have a flight in the morning."

"To?" This was news to him, but the invitation was likely issued that very week between all of the hustle and posing.

"The Antivan Riviera." She shrugged. "It's a 'vacation'. You can come if you want." She offered. It was magnanimous of her to offer space on someone else's boat to him, but they said she could bring a friend and he was a prince. They would never turn Sebastian away. "Unless you have some lame job you need to go to." She added, making it a challenge. His father had been trying to make inroads with some dignitary in a minor position, but Sebastian hadn't actually said he would take a job.

He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. There was nothing pressing that he couldn't move, no reason not to go at her invitation, but he decided to play it cool. "That depends on whose yacht it is."

"How'd you know it was a yacht?"

Sebastian laughed. "It's traditional. Got anything to drink? It doesn't have to be champagne, but I won't turn it down." She nodded, and he followed her into the kitchen where she pulled out a bottle of orange juice and cut it with sparkling water. He later learned she didn't drink when she had to fly, because she hated public restrooms. "Where are your roommates?" He asked.

"Out still. They aren't going." She picked at the flaky pastry, breaking it into small pieces and eating them daintily as he shoved his into his mouth. She switched between watching him, and looking down at her food, but his eyes never ceased their stare in her direction. After a moment, she drained her glass and looked him straight in the eye. "Do you wanna fuck?" She asked.

"Definitely." Sebastian purred, her words enough to make his skin prickle.

He expected her to lead him to her bed, but instead they went to the living room, where Lena unbuckled his jeans and let them fall to his feet before pushing him back into a chair. He was just poking out of his plaid boxers when she straddled him, his hands immediately going under her shirt, to find there was nothing at all beneath the filmy cotton. They kissed, her bare skin brushing up against him through his shorts, her mouth on top of his, his hands all over. After sliding a finger inside to feel her wetness, he rummaged around his leather jacket for his wallet, and produced a condom. 

She leaned back to give him room, eyes watching intently as he eased himself out of the front of his boxers. He stroked himself, once, twice, then took her hand to help him put the condom on. She was inexperienced compared to him, but curious and followed without comment. The feeling of her touching him made him groan, and he let his eyes close for a moment to revel in the sensation. 

But she was impetuous, and more importantly, not given to wait for anyone, especially in matters of her own pleasure. Lena moved forward once again and plunged down, swallowing him in one swift movement. He was expecting resistance, but there was none, only the glorious feeling of the impossibly tight heat sheathing him. They moved together, her above him, hazel eyes looking down into his, never breaking the connection. They kissed, a long, hard kiss that turned gasping and biting as they fucked harder. He let a hand hold her waist with the other between her thighs, determined to keep her gasping, wanting to hear her call out his name.

They swore in turns, she in breathy moans and cries, his turning into half formed vapor and breath. She shivered and drew herself up, pressing down on his shoulders and he broke. He hadn't meant to, he really wanted her to finish first, but he hadn't mastered that kind of control at twenty-three.

They sat together, until she eased off of him and primly pulled down her shirt. She went back to the kitchen, washed her hands and finished her pastry, while he pulled up his pants and tried to match her cool, disaffected act. It was a hopeless cause, because he was already smitten. "I want you again tonight." He declared. 

She took this in the same nonchalant manner she took everything else and spared him a nod. When no words seemed forthcoming from her, he asked a question. "You weren't a virgin, were you?"

Lena laughed. "Did it seem like it I was?" She asked and when he shook his head ruefully she added, "You're much too late." When he quirked an eyebrow, she explained. "My brother's friend. I always liked him, and he was full of flattery about me after I came home from a job once. 'I can't believe you're a real model now'," she said, snickering. "I wonder what happened to that poor slob." Lena paused for a beat and then went on. "You wouldn't have felt anything anyway, I never had a hymen. So much for that." She brushed the crumbs from her hands and stood up. 

"You can go home now and get your passport. I'll wait up."

"I have it with me." He answered, patting the inside of his coat. For a split second Lena looked impressed with him, though it was sheer dumb luck he had it with him at all. The night before because his license was from Starkhaven. It also said "HRH Sebastian Frederick Dàibhidh Vael", but the muscular man in the small black t-shirt hadn't been convinced with his assertion that he really was a prince. 

"Then you'll need clothes."

"I can buy them there." He said quickly. 

"Good. Now, come to bed and fuck me again." She said, spinning elegantly on the ball of her foot and not waiting for him to catch up. He followed her through the shabby apartment, quick on her heels, determined to make her his. He had for a while. They'd spent that night tangled in the sheets, him bringing her to climax a fair few times before they had to get up for the airport. Neither of them actually slept for more than a half hour at a time, and he remembered the taxi to the airport as the first time he'd let his eyes close on purpose, with her head against his chest.

The memories gave him an insulation that he desperately needed as he fell asleep. Combined with the sound of Tylena breathing deeply next to him, he could almost right himself and get away from the eerie grimness of the Deep Roads. When they'd started out, he'd thought it fun, a lark or some grand adventure where he'd wind up saving Nathaniel Howe. 

He thought the worst he'd have to endure was the glares of the Warden they came to find, and earn Tylena back in the process. In his mind, that was how the 'best case scenario' played out, with him as a civilian hero to help the Wardens. But as he lay on the ground in his bedroll, he was still chilled by the sight of that body. No memory or pleasure taken truly pushed it aside, it could only be tamped down to a manageable horror. The Deep Roads had caught him unaware, and all he knew was that it wouldn't happen again the next day.

#####

Days two and three passed with Sebastian on his guard, and the three of them sleeping in shifts and moving forward. Tylena looked for markers his eyes hadn't thought to see, and Zevran countered old traps and locks of designs from an antiquity older than anything he knew. He would have felt useless if it were for the fighting - he was their ranged fighter and after their first encounter with the gruesome, monstrous darkspawn - he knew how to spot and shoot them down before they could get in close and do too much damage. Luckily the spawn they encountered were rarely in groups, mostly stragglers and pairs, but when they were he broke their ranks and let Tylena and Zevran go rushing in with their weapons. It was hard, dirty, awful work. Tylena led them on without complaint, single-minded in her goal of finding Nathaniel's team.

He began to talk again - after the first day he'd found that he had terribly little to say that didn't sound stupid in his mind before he would even let the words out of his mouth. Zevran was good at keeping the conversation light as they worked their way through the maze of caverns and corridors, stumbling over artifacts of ages long passed. Tylena provided historical context and information for much of what they saw, and Sebastian drank it all in - seeing her as a warrior-scholar, their mission and the surroundings. More than once she expressed regret at not having more time to spend with the ruins they were navigating, and she spent time at camp making notes for herself and possibly the Wardens.

They did talk again, but there was no intimacy save for that first night. He didn't want that and she hadn't indicated that it was on her mind either. What was on his mind was what they were going to do when they got back to the surface - if they got back in one piece.

"Lena, are you going back to Ferelden when this is done?" Sebastian asked earnestly.

"I suppose so. Unless I have to report back to the Wardens. Workwise, I don't have anything booked besides meetings right now."

"Would you ever stay in Kirkwall?" 

"Are you asking?"

"I'm thinking about it."

"Then I'd consider it." She said, smiling at him. "But now isn't the time. Get some rest."

"You sleep less than I do." He pointed out.

"I'm a Warden. We were made for this. You and Zevran, not so much. So sleep and we can argue over breakfast."

Sebastian settled into his bedroll, and closed his eyes. That hadn't been the way he'd wanted to say it, but he wanted her to stay in Kirkwall when they got back. He wanted her around, all the time, to know what it was between them and define it for the last time. But the darkness of the Deep Roads had muddled his mind to nothing but scanning the horizon for traps and darkspawn, or the giant, hairy spiders that liked to drop from nowhere. The question wasn't up to his usual articulate standards, but there was always a chance to try again.

He wasn't trying to fix the past or fall right back into it, but he wanted her there with him, all the time. It seemed so selfish to put in words, but he was sure and grew more sure with every moment in her presence. Second chances hardly ever came this easy.

When he woke up the next 'morning', though time of day mattered little to him now, she was staring at him as he ate. He felt her dark eyes as if they were able to bore a hole right into him. His question had gotten to her.

"What's so nice about Kirkwall?" She asked in an overly casual manner.

Sebastian smiled over at her as he answered. "My place has the loveliest view of the sunset over the water. And there's plenty of direct flights to Ferelden, Antiva and Orlais if you needed to attend to business."

"Is that all it has going for it? Sunsets and airports?"

"And me. I'd want you there, with me. But if Kirkwall is no good for you - Cullen could find a new Chief of Staff."

"You'd quit?"

"Wouldn't you?"

She finally smiled back at him. "Kirkwall does have lovely sunsets." She said.

They were talking in circles, he knew it, but he wasn't going to push it. Even though he wanted her to commit to say something, anything about all of this and why she came to him and then dragged him underground with her - but that wasn't going to happen. Neither of them were going to play their whole hand at first, and though it frustrated him, Sebastian recognized that he too, wasn't being as honest as he could be. 

Maybe being too honest scared him more than losing Tylena again. If they went their separate ways after this, he could always know that he tried again and it didn't work out. It would be devastating, awful, and he'd be unfathomably heartbroken for a while - but he would mend. If he died down here, he would die knowing he helped, that she cared for him. But to be rejected would make him want to shrink into the dark spaces and never come back up for light. How could he even get through these days in near seclusion with her and Zevran if he asked and she said no? It was a risk he couldn't take.

It would work itself out soon enough, he reasoned.


	9. Courage Underground

It's after they fight something that Lena tells him was probably a corrupted spider, lyrium and darkspawn taint closing in around them that the words come easier. The constant darkness gave him time to think, as if it were perpetually forcing him to look inward instead of forward. Once he started, it was almost hard to vocalize it all. Sebastian had been thinking, too many thoughts in the back of his mind, all of them focused on the woman in front of him. It was almost a joke when he asks, because who would find their courage even deeper underground? But he did, and the more he was near her, the longer this venture went on, the more certain he was that Lena had come back into his life for good. He just wanted to make sure.

They were waiting for Zevran to disarm an old trap nearby, one that Sebastian had spotted just before Lena was about to walk through it. 

He'd kept her from setting off what looked like a barrage of old, poisoned arrows, an arm around her waist, pulling her back to him. Lena leaned against him gratefully, standing close well after she was out of danger. Even in her heavier armor, with its heavy weave of dark synthetic fibers and plastic plating, he was sure that some of it would have gotten through to her, and he didn't know any antidotes to arcane poison offhand.

"I've been thinking." Sebastian began, and both Lena and Zevran let out short laughs at his statement. "What?" He asked, not offended, but clearly missing the joke.

"Dangerous pastime." Lena quipped. "But do go on." 

"About what happens when we get back to Kirkwall." He started, but Zevran motioned for silence. Lena gave him a small smile as they stood together, his arm around her waist as they waited again. He wondered if she could sense his train of thought, or if she was simply wondering what he had to say. Nothing was betrayed by her face in the dim light, most of it falling into shadow as the beams of their flashlights pointed towards where Zevran worked. Sebastian had wanted to wait, but waiting seemed more like folly and wishful thinking the longer they were down here. If he had to be trapped, he wanted to know there was something much better awaiting him in the sunlight.

Once Zevran was done with the trap, they all inspected the ancient piece of work for anything else that might accidentally fire. When it was deemed safe enough to pass, Sebastian let himself try again, this time more directly. "Should we get married?" Sebastian asked as they trudged deeper. Something wet and very warm dripped on his head from above, but he didn't look up to see where it had come from. Carefully, he ran a gloved hand over it, pulling it back to find a glob of watery mud that smelled slightly of sulfur. Behind him, another splattered to the ground with a soft drip. "I want to marry you." The statement was definite, fearless and loud in the cavern around them, but all Sebastian could hear was the thud of his stupid heart, beating far too fast and echoed in very vein in his body. 

In front of him, Lena paused for a moment, slowing down as she walked. Sebastian wasn't sure in this light, but he thought he saw her smile, and his heart leapt. When she spoke, her voice was as casual as if he'd simply asked her the weather. "Sure. I'm game if you are." Lena threw over her shoulder. "But no long engagements."

"Fine. When we get back. Soon as we get home." He offered. Zevran was looking back and forth between the two of them, but saying nothing. It almost felt like they were kidding around, but Sebastian knew they weren't. He'd never said those words to anyone before, not even during their long relationship. Back then he made it common knowledge how much he didn't want to get married, how his brothers were 'tied down' by their relationships. It had taken years of hard lessons, loneliness and not a small amount of jealousy on his part to understand his erroneous thoughts.

"Your home or mine? Or someplace else? We could go to Rivain and do it on the beach." Lena asked. "Do you remember that time we spent up near Seere? We had that little bungalow on the beach. It was such a pretty place - white sand and huge tropical flowers. I could get married there."

He could hear her smile as she said the words, their shared memories of the place in question were very good. Parties and nightlife in the city had been followed by late mornings on the private beach after breakfast in bed. He'd awoken every morning to find a Blood Mary on his nightstand and their rented bungalow filled with the smell of blooming flowers. There were waterfall showers, a chef onsite and privacy gates that kept the outside world miles away. "I remember it fondly. It's a possibility, for certain. Are you going to get a wedding dress?" He asked.

"I will. Something short and white and not at all ruffled. Are you? Isn't it traditional for Starkhaven princes to get married in their kilts?"

Behind them, Zevran laughed. "The two of you aren't serious, surely? You cannot plan a wedding like this."

"Why not?" Sebastian asked placidly. He was surprised he could keep his voice so calm, because instead his head he was shouting in joy, and great tears of relief stung his eyes, unshed. "I think we've waited long enough."

"That is a good point, my muck covered friend. In that case, plan on. I like the distraction." Zevran replied, laughing. "But I have a feeling that Lena's mother would disagree most heartily with your statement. And the Teyrna can be quite convincing."

Lena waved a hand in his general direction. "My mother will come around, I can make sure of that. If we're still getting married once we get back to the surface and this isn't some Deep Roads madness. Or we don't have to tell anyone, just turn up married one day."

"Madness? Never, my lady Cousland. Belated bravery perhaps, if you'll permit me to be brave ten years too late." Sebastian replied. 

"Better late than never." Zevran intoned, and Sebastian found himself agreeing.

"So this is it, we're going to get married? Forever and always?" She asked, turning around to face him finally. Lena was smiling at him, warm and tenative, hopeful and a little scared. It reminded him of their first date, and the beach, alone together for the first time. Too much time had passed between them, and though he wanted this, his gut was telling him that there was much unfinished business between them. They'd see to that later, he promised himself, just not now.

Sebastian bowed slightly, bending at the waist in the courtly manner of times long passed. "If you'll have me, my lady."

"At that resort in Rivain?" She was almost challenging him, as if she couldn't quite believe he would do anything she wanted. He was here, wasn't he? But then he'd always had a taste for adventure and going to the Deep Roads was one few people outside of Wardens ever got to do or survive. But there was no chance Sebastian was here for the experience - it was all for Lena.

"Anything you like." He answered.

Lena paused, putting her hand on her hip. "Alright then." She agreed slowly. "I would kiss you, but you smell like spider guts. Raincheck?"

Sebastian laughed, a clear, true laugh that rang around them. It was incredible - the feeling soaring through him was happiness he had nearly forgotten on the sojourn underground. He settled for hugging her, pulling her into a crushing embrace as they stood, letting her careful, hopeful smile fill his mind. "I'll take you up on that when it's more appropriate to celebrate." He whispered in her ear, earning a giggle. Louder he said, "For now, let's just keep going. We've still got a mission to finish." His joy was like a beacon inside of him, buoying him forward. They would find Nathaniel. Everything would be alright. Lena would be his forever. All of their problems would be solved with his happiness - or at least that was his hope, though he knew it wasn't realistic. Just for once, Sebastian gave into hope and tried not to think too much about anything else.

"That we do." Zevran said, bringing him back to the Deep Roads. "But don't think I am not ecstatic for the both of you. Still, we should move on before we attract more predators to us."

Lena untangled herself from him, looking a little dazed and less grim than she had been, and to his eyes, far more beautiful. His wife. They'd be married, and though he wasn't sure what that meant exactly, it was bound to be special and sacred. She stayed glowing and happy, even as they fought and worked through an increasing number of spawn and filth as they went deeper. The air grew stale and warm around them, and a river of sulfurous lava appeared around a bend, threatening with little dollops of gold shooting out of it as water would from a turbulent sea on the surface. But she still flashed smiles at him as they walked on, even as her hand strayed towards the hilt of her sword and they carefully navigated over and away from the treacherous lava flow. Happiness shone through her, right up until they found another body, this one not too many days old.

It was a scout for the camp, and by the looks of it, someone who had known what he was doing. The poor sod was in the middle of setting up a trap when he died, hit from behind with a score of the ragged, rusty arrows the darkspawn favored, and then mutilated. It was almost ritualistic, the maiming of the body, like a sign left for others by the spawn. Lena didn't credit them with much intelligence, but plenty of viciousness and agreed with the sentiment. After that the happy glow that had been around her faded and she was stern and serious once more. 

"The camp can be much further in, but I doubt it. The body we found wasn't a Warden, and we only take hired hands so far." Lena explained grimly. "Their base might be abandoned though, if Nathaniel decided to push on and this was the last non-Warden scout."

She was right, because not long after they came upon markings she recognized but were indecipherable to both he and Zevran. Wardens left each other markings when they could, trails to follow, warnings of what lay ahead.

There were signs and she followed them to small cave, the path suspiciously clear of any dangers. Before they could make their way to the mouth of the cave, Sebastian stilled himself. A click that sounded suspiciously like a crossbow in the distance caught his attention, but before he could motion to Tylena, she had already moved. The hair on the back of his neck stood and his ears were pricked to attention, but he didn't even hear the person that was moving towards them. 

The Wardens must have been low if they didn't have a proper scout set up away from the camp. Instead of a watcher, Tylena, Zevran and Sebastian found themselves greeted by a short, redheaded man with a braided beard and a waraxe nearly as big as he was. He made a motion as he moved into the light, and Sebastian saw someone in the shadows move. Likely the crossbowman that he'd heard as they approached.

"Commander. Should have figured they'd send you down after us." He grunted as they drew closer, ax still held at the ready.

"Peace, Oghren." She held up her hands after sheathing her weapon. "Is this the FOB? I need to speak to Nathaniel."

"FOB?" He snorted. "Commander, please. We're barely keeping it together down here. The duster's in charge, talk to her." Sebastian didn't know to whom he was referring, but he saw Tylena raise an eyebrow at that statement.

"Right. Thank you."

"Good to see you, Commander."

They walked on for a few more paces, but their voices had carried. Sebastian was aware of more people around them, but until they rounded the corner hadn't realized they were so close. A woman's voice was muffled, but growing nearer, and he could hear at least two other people besides. It seems they'd finally found the Wardens. He was just thinking that when he saw another blue clad figure, a blur going past his eyes as it made straight for Lena.

A voice let out a whoop of joy and someone small ran out and hugged Tylena. The person was dwarfed by Tylena's height, but neither party seemed to mind. When they pulled apart, Sebastian finally got a good view of them. It was a woman, wearing armor more like the set Zevran was wearing than Tylena's, but Warden Blue and dirty. She was babbling, talking too much all at once, as Lena asked questions in the cracks between her sentences, the two of them talking over each other more than not.

"I knew you would come. I told Nate, and he was worried that you would come, but then that the First Warden might not let you."

"The Wardens didn't send me, I came on my own. Is he here?"

"We've been in a holding pattern for a while, ran into trouble, one of the scouts turned on us, but he was close to his Calling. But Nate's gone on, hopefully not too far away yet"

"Who turned? Maker, it must have been worse down here than I feared. And gone on? What do you mean?"

Zevran finally stopped the torrent of voices by holding up his hands. "Sigrun, good to see you again." He said loudly, too loud to be ignored.

When things settled down after a round of introductions, Tylena looked over at Sigrun expectantly. Sebastian raised an eyebrow when Lena introduced Sigrun as Nathaniel's wife, but he said nothing. Apparently he hadn't been the only one with marriage on his mind, but he wondered why this information hadn't been offered to him earlier. It could have been useful at the Keep when he was looking for Nathaniel on the surface. Surely marriages couldn't be classified as 'warden business'. When the other woman didn't start talking right away, Tylena did. "What's going on here?"

Instead of answering her right away, Sigrun gave Lena a hard, level look that made Sebastian's skin prickle. He was expecting something long, a tirade about the Wardens perhaps, a dire warning, darkspawn attacks. Instead all she said was a name he didn't recognize. "Velanna."

Tylena sucked in a sharp breath that whistled softly between her chapped lips and then asked, "Is she here?"

"We thought she was, but now, I'm not so sure." Sigrun explained, her mouth turning down into a slight frown. "There were reports of someone matching her description going into the roads in this area, but not coming out."

"That's not good." Lena said, and Sigrun nodded. 

"We thought that it might have been her sister, since they would have roughly the same description, but we couldn't be sure. I suggested we go look to Nate, and he wanted to get you down here with us, but that idea got nixed. Don't know why. We came anyway, thinking to inform you anyway, but we didn't want to lose time."

Lena frowned at her and started to retort, but thought better of it and closed her mouth. Sebastian interrupted them, trying to figure out everything through the confusion. "I'm sorry, you said you all were here looking for someone named, Velanna? Who is she?"

"My lost Warden." Lena said. "Her sister had been taken by darkspawn while the two of them were spelunking in some woods near Amaranthine a few years ago. In fact, it was what led us to her, because she was tearing up the countryside and terrorizing farmers as she searched for her sister." Lena gave a small, sad smile. "She thought one of them had seen her or taken her, before the Wardens were called in to investigate darkspawn movement near that area." She explained. "Her personality is a bit pointy, especially under times of duress. But she was right - her sister had been taken, just by darkspawn and not farmers or people of any kind. Or her sister went willingly. which was discussed after a while, when the trail went cold, because it felt like someone who knew Velanna and how she might search was covering the tracks. I was never quite sure. Anyway, Velanna eventually abandoned the Order to look for her sister, and since we don't give up on one of our own, we've made it our business to look out for her. She's good at eluding us though, so it hasn't been easy over the years."

"We lose track of her every so often, but she usually pops back up on the radar." Sigrun added in a perky voice. She was quite a cute little woman, short of stature, but with a commanding presence. Still clad in her Warden scout armor, that looked like his but was dark blue and stained with dirt and grime, she smiled up at him. Her hair a dirty brown and pulled into three ponytails, and a cherubic nose under shining eyes. There was a deadliness underneath it all, as if she would fight to the death for duty or love, but wasn't in any hurry to die.

"So why here, now?" Tylena wondered aloud.

Sigrun shook her head. Her face was decorated with a myriad of old, blocky designs that reminded Sebastian of the dwarven glyphs they'd passed on the way down from the surface. She was giving Lena a pointed look and then the two of them looked over at he and Zevran in a very particular way. Sebastian knew that look from his own job. It was the 'eyes only' look that he gave other staffers when they didn't have the clearance to be privy to conversations. This was clearly Warden Business, and Sigrun looked like she had much of it to discuss. Her mouth was clamped shut, but she looked at both Sebastian and Zevran as if she hadn't seen them until that moment, going over them both with eyes that gave away the intensity of her curiosity.

"Zevran why don't we settle ourselves into camp?" Sebastian suggested.

"Good idea." Zev answered, and after Sigrun waved them in the general direction of away from her and Lena, the two of them departed. He looked over his shoulder at Tylena, but she and Sigrun had already begun to walk away, heads as close together as their vast height difference would allow, speaking in in low voices. The happiness in him stuttered for a moment, but he held himself in check. This was Lena's job, and he'd have to do the same thing, eventually. They didn't live lives that could be easily set aside, neither of them. He sighed, not bothering to try to recapture what had just gone out, but focusing on the future. They would make a life together, he would see to that.


	10. Decisions

The news wasn't good, by any stretch of the imagination. No matter how happy Sigrun was to see her, it didn't alter what Tylena herself had begun to see. There was corruption here that was too dense for an opening this close to Kirkwall. Something had lured them there, or at least brought Velanna here knowing that others would follow. The more Sigrun talked, the more Lena didn't like what she was hearing. Her hesitation about bringing Sebastian into the Deep Roads blossomed into full blow fear for him. The other warden hadn't even told her the details of what they'd found and expected further on.

Nathaniel was already gone on ahead. He would have counted on reinforcements coming at some point. Wardens wouldn't leave their own. They would have come either because the messenger made it out or the absence of communication from their group. She didn't want to tell Sigrun how true it almost wasn't, but she couldn't lie either. The Wardens had no interest in this mission, save for the recovery of their personnel. 

Velanna made it clear that she didn't want their assistance, and her affiliation was only for her own convenience. Tylena had come under much fire for letting her undergo the Joining ritual, but she stood by her decision. Better to have Velanna as an ally, even a rogue one.

Tylena didn't like the habit life had of coming in waves and rushes, fits and starts. But this time there was nothing she could do about it but go on. Sigrun had plenty to fill her in about, and even more to say after they'd finished the 'official' mission briefing.

"Why has Nathaniel gone ahead alone?"

"Thought he wouldn't spook her if he could scout her out by himself. Plus, he's always doing that shadow shit that I could never learn. I can barely find him when he does that, and I've trained in some of it. We were almost caught up to her when we made this camp, but that was a little while back now."

They talked for longer, Tylena finally getting around to the real reason for her rescue. Sigrun's head dipped in consolation as Tylena told her that Nathaniel's father, Rendon was dead. "Murdered." Tylena added.

Sigrun sucked in a sharp breath. "Any leads?"

"Not a short list. Looked like retribution. That's part of the reason why I came." She explained, and Sigrun nodded.

"Thought they might have gotten after Nate? Not likely down here, but then again, people can do a lot with insanity and plenty of coin."

"Or it might have been him." Tylena said. "The police consider him a person of interest right now."

"And we've been stuck down here, looking for Velanna." Sigrun said. "If Nate was going to do anyone in, he wouldn't be stupid enough to get caught."

"I know." Tylena said.

They shared a dark laugh, knowing the truth of the statement too well. Both sat and digested the information from the other in silence. 

The quiet between the two of them was companionable, and she let her mind wander. Nathaniel would know nothing of his father, but she wondered what he knew about Velanna that kept him searching. There had to be some reason he didn't share that kept him on her trail. It wasn't lost love or lust. Something deeper, but not as nebulous as friendship. 

Tylena came to another conclusion on her own. In the musty dank of the tent, she knew what her next step was, but it wearied her to think on it. Camp would be broken and their objective couldn't be abandoned. She knew what she had to do, but didn't relish the task one bit.

"Sigrun, he can't be here, can he?" Tylena finally asked, squeezing her eyes closed as she spoke. Her friend reached over and grabbed her hand.

"Thought this was going to just be a straight up rescue didn't you? Or that we'd all be dead."

Tylena shook her head at that. "No, not dead. Just not in this deep. And Velanna. Did he give a reason why he still looks for her?" She asked, trying to be sensitive to Sigrun's feelings.

The smaller woman shrugged at once, but then took a moment to think on it. "We have what we have, and they had a past, but I think it's mostly duty towards her these days. It was never much between them anyway, because Velanna simply found him amusing but not someone for her to be with." The words were clumsy, and Sigrun struggled to characterize the strange attraction between Nathaniel and Velanna. It had been a fleeting, mostly one sided thing shortly after Velanna's Joining. The two of them drifted apart as Velanna chose to spend her nights wrapped up with ancient tomes and her own plans. Sigrun and Nathaniel fell into each other around the same time, and made it last. It was long after he and Tylena ended their relationship. She smirked to herself, noting that stoic, duty-bound Nathaniel sure had worked his way through a lot of warden women.

Nathaniel had been her family's choice for her, so they'd been pushed together from childhood. The Teryna saw him as a preferable alternative to Sebastian, once he'd entered the picture. What she and Nate had was a bond, but not the one of being in love. It was love and affection, loyalty and friendship, but wholly different than what she and Sebastian shared. There was never jealousy between them, quite the contrary. Tylena found it rather amusing to watch Nathaniel and Sigrun try to hide that they were sleeping together in the early days.

"But your boyfriend is a problem." Sigrun said, bringing her back to reality.

Lena gave Sigrun a wry smile and cracked open one eye. "Husband to be, I think. We will see how he feels once I go back out there. I expect it will be quite the show."

"Then leave it for a night. You've just got here and they need to rest. Zevran might need to go back with him, though he's been down here before." She shook her head in disbelief. "You could lead a merry band right into the sun and no one would object, would they? You've always had that gift with people. As much as people like me, I'm no leader. We should get Nate so we can lead this company back, Velanna or not. Plus, you're going to have to be the one to tell him about his dad. I don't have all the information and it would get all mixed up. I don't want to hurt him more."

Tylena agreed, though she wasn't looking forward to either one of the foreboding tasks she'd had to deal with.

There was no certainty when it was morning or not on the surface, but after a measure of sleep and food, she and the Wardens got up. Sebastian looked better than he had in a while, but she could see the labors of their travel wearing on him. He looked wan and grey and his eyes had lost their sparkle in the darkness. The longing to feel sunlight was so strong in him, it almost made her homesick for the surface. 

Zevran was fairing better, and for that she was glad. Sigrun's crew looked worn out, with the notable exception of Oghren. She could order them back to the surface with Sebastian and get no complaints from the men. She should do it - it was what she Sigrun had agreed upon. But her selfish heart wanted Sebastian around, had come to rely on him. Telling Nathaniel about his father would be a world easier with Sebastian nearby. His presence would lend his strength to her so that she might find the right words. 

Whatever her own discomfort, she knew that she couldn't keep him on her search any longer. They'd cleared the way down, but he couldn't cope with an extended stay. She knew that. They were just words she didn't want to say, and a separation she no longer wanted. It had been so long since she'd found comfort in anyone, let alone Sebastian. Tylena never wanted to be without it. But her resolve won out over her selfishness, as she knew it would. She let him eat first, while touching nothing herself.

"Nathaniel is deeper into the tunnels." Tylena began, pulling Sebastian away after his breakfast. She spoke in a whisper, though there was no need of it. They were away from the camp and no one would dare to listen in on her. 

"I figured as much, Lena. Otherwise he would have come back by now. So the search is still on?" He asked, giving her a dark look.

"It is. But I can't ask you to go further." She said as she twined her fingers within his. "I don't want you to get hurt, Sebastian. I would never forgive myself."

"Is it that dangerous?"

"To someone who isn't a Warden, yes. I think it too deep and too unknown to risk you. I thought we would find him at this camp." She said and gave a hard laugh. "I wanted berate him for dropping out of contact because he was caught up in some project. Or find him on trail he'd already cleared. I didn't think there would be dead scouts, more darkspawn and him off on his own." She shook her head. "Too many variables. Can't risk it, taking you down there."

"I see." Sebastian said shortly. "This wasn't the deal, Tylena. You said you needed my help."

"I did. Zevran and I wouldn't have gotten down here alone. And we needed to make sure we had to go down here. I didn't know there were others, a camp. The Wardens gave me nothing to go on, and all I knew was that Nathaniel was missing and that his father was gone. There was no place to start, so I called you. I wanted to talk to you, yes, but I needed your help then." Tylena took a deep breath and carried on, "Now I need you to go, because I know you'll be safe going back and I can't risk your life going forward. Please, Sebastian."

He gave her a long, hard look. It was the type of look designed to make someone squirm, but she didn't drop her gaze, just stared back. He may rule Kirkwall, but she'd earned her authority too. Tylena had faced many people that prefer she just back down or stop causing trouble. Finally, it was Sebastian that broke off, blinking as he turned his head, speaking more to himself than her. "Is it what's best?"

"Sebastian." He looked back at the sound of his name and found her a step closer than she'd been before. She was in close to his face, and could feel him breathing in short, angry draws. "Go home. Please. If you've ever loved me, just go."

His shoulders slumped, the hardness in his spine snapped like a string as he nodded at her. "Lena, don't die. I don't want to be a widower before I get married." He said softly, reaching out to take her hand. "And after all of this, I'd like to know if you ever do reach Nathaniel."

"Of course." She said immediately, an awkward silence falling between them. When she couldn't think of anything to soothe him that wasn't lies, so she settled for shushing his unspoken fears and taking him in a hug. "Shhh." She said, letting Sebastian sag against her once more, blinking back her own bitter tears.


	11. A Friendly Ear

Sebastian was at a loss - he didn't know what to do with himself back on the surface. The sun seemed too bright and somehow didn't provide enough warmth, and his work piled too high to be of a sufficient distraction. He thought of her every moment he could spare, and it had been nearly two weeks since his return to Kirkwall. There was nothing but dread in his stomach when he thought of how she'd looked when he'd left her. Tylena had been grim and stony-faced except for the moment she whispered her goodbye to him. There was nothing he wouldn't do to see her smiling and happy and above-ground once again.

Zevran had departed with a kiss to his cheek and promise to check in, swanning off to wherever it was that he needed to go. He had been kind enough to reassure him that Tylena was a survivor - words he hadn't know he needed to hear until they were offered. Sebastian rather missed him once he was gone, despite his love of innuendo and ribald jokes about him and Lena. Zevran had become a good friend.

Sebastian's parents were of no help. One photo of him and Tylena at Zevran's book reading had made the rounds in his absence. His mother called angrily, demanding that he be wary of associating with 'that set' again. He hadn't mentioned his engagement and fended off her queries about his relationship with Tylena. All he said was yes, they were serious and no, she wasn't still in Kirkwall, which lead to another set of disdainful questions. At least his answers were honest, though not entirely truthful. 

No one asked where she was - they'd been gone long enough for other news to fill in the gaps. The odd phone call came in to his assistants or a question went through to his email, but to all the world, it was business as usual again. But Sebastian felt the absence of Tylena Cousland as if she'd left him - a cruel reversal of their roles from ten years before. This time their separation was filled with worry instead of anger.

At first, he tried not to think too much about it, hoping that Lena would be hot on his heels and return within a week, if not days of his own. Nathaniel Howe was tough and a warden himself. He would perhaps be a little scratched for his time in the Deep Roads, but fine. Lena would see to that as his commander. But she hadn't returned. Sebastian tried not to betray his worry, busying himself with work and avoiding the Viscount's questioning looks. Plenty of work had piled up in his office, and more than once he stayed all night, falling asleep at the desk as he caught up. Everyone needed him it seemed - at least his absence had the unintended effect of making him feel important. He couldn't say he'd always felt that way in the Viscount's office, especially under the former Viscount.

All the business in the world wasn't enough to take his mind off Lena. She was still down there, in the unknown reaches of the Deep Roads, territory that was so dangerous they'd made him leave. She could die, they all could, and he would have nothing of her, nothing at all. Panic rose in his heart with every errant thought, forcing him to resort to deep breathing to restore a modicum of calm. After a while, he nothing could keep the unease at bay. He couldn't sleep for the worry, and for all his heroic thoughts of going to get her, he couldn't afford to walk out on his work again. The temptation to go back into the Deep Roads overwhelmed him to the point where he felt like he was suffocating.

Cullen knew nothing of this. While Sebastian was friends with the Viscount, he and Cullen didn't socialize much outside of work. Not that they didn't see each other outside of work, but it always dissolved into work. One of them inevitably mentioned some work burden when they were together, and Sebastian didn't feel that the Viscount was the right man with whom to drown his sorrows. The person he wanted to talk to was Fenris. Quiet and unassuming, Fenris was a genius that provided much of the tech that kept the Viscount's Keep going. 

They'd become friends when a computer virus had necessitated a computer wipe for his assistant (and very soon after that, a new assistant. Fenris worked to troubleshoot the whole network, to make sure it didn't spread throughout the whole intranet of the Keep. Sebastian had stayed with him as he worked well past quitting time to solve the problem. He'd brought him coffee and a cookie from the lunchroom on the first night and stayed until Fenris couldn't work anymore. It had taken Fenris most of a weekend to fix the problem, but Sebastian hadn't minded - there was always work to do. But there was something about being able to sit in silence with another person, to work unobtrusively yet together that he appreciated. He and Fenris more friendly towards each other since then. Afterward, going out for lunch and occasional drink after that had cemented it.

It was Fenris that Sebastian approached looking in dire need of a beer. Sebastian sorely needed someone to just listen to him. He wanted to right his head, and keep it from wandering leagues below ground where Tylena was still shuttered away with Nathaniel Howe and his strange little wife. Warden Business. 

He wondered if he could live his life like this, knowing that she would continue going on missions and leaving him behind, as she risked her life. Though he asked the question of himself, he never came up with a good answer. He wanted to talk to Tylena again, to actually speak about the things they'd been avoiding. He'd been scared for their lives underground, but he'd been more terrified of pushing her away again. He'd agonized over that the entire time since she'd called him. It was what led him to follow her deep underground, to a place prince had little business exploring. Sebastian knew the torment of uncertain silence too well already. That was really how he couldn't live his life, without speaking for fear of saying the wrong thing. The rest, he could learn to deal with.

When he finally went to seek out his friend, Fenris was predictably still in his office. Beneath his shock of white hair he was scowling at the computer screen in front of him as if it had insulted in his mother's honor. Sebastian bypassed the empty desks of the two other techs that worked with him and plunked himself down in the chair in front of Fenris. 

"I'm going to get married, if...she still wants to." Sebastian said by way of greeting when he made his way down to Fenris's office. He'd almost said, "if she's still alive," but then realized that would mean revealing that Lena was a Grey Warden. That tidbit wasn't public knowledge. He refrained, since it wasn't his secret to reveal.

"I am unsure how to answer that. Congratulations doesn't feel quite right." Fenris said, frowning at Sebastian, green eyes moving away from the computer screen to meet his. "Is there something amiss between you and the model?"

"You could say that. She's traveling on business, and was somewhat vague on her time schedule for coming back to Kirkwall. I thought when I made my offer that she would decide to come back here for me, but we never got around to talking about all the finer details." Sebastian admitted with a sigh. He sank down onto the spare chair in the office with Fenris still frowning down at him.

"So she said yes, but you two aren't sure on when. And she's not here, and you're not sure she's going to come back in the foreseeable future? But you definitely are getting married?" Fenris asked, the questions slow and deliberate.

"Well, she said yes with the stipulation of no long engagements. But she's out....doing fieldwork. She's got a degree in history and sometimes consults on things and that's what came up." Sebastian said, flailing in his explanation. "And it was important, but far away in some remote part of the Anderfels. So we parted in a hurry, and nothing was definite."

"Ah, well at least this is making more sense now. I wondered what kind of modeling job would whisk her away so urgently if she had just agreed to get married." Finally, Fenris favored Sebastian with a smile. "We should celebrate."

"We could. Are you free for drinks?"

"Yes, but I sense you're not in the mood for it."

"I am quite in the mood for getting drunk, but perhaps not celebrating."

"So, are we just drinking without the jovial air then?"

"Affirmative."

"But you're happy about everything except not being able to reach your fiance." He summed up, and looked to Sebastian for confirmation. He gave a curt nod to confirm accuracy, but said nothing. Fenris continued, frowning at him again. "Tell me again why we can't be happy while we drink beer?"

Sebastian sighed dramatically, but the line of questioning was having its intended effect because he smiled despite himself. "Because she's not here Fenris, and nothing's settled. I have no one planning colors and locations, no date to even give my parents. I'm not sure any of this is going to happen, even though I did propose and she accepted."

"Still, you are a happier man than before her visit, and now engaged, so perhaps something is settled."

"I hate love." Sebastian said without any real heat. It made Fenris laugh his dry chuckle, the sound warming Sebastian.

"If we're drinking without joy, then you'll want two for one drink specials at the Hanged Man. Better not to go broke while getting blackout drunk for no good reason." Fenris said sagely.

All Sebastian could do was laugh at that. He didn't frequent the Hanged Man - it was out of his way and he didn't know the area well. But it seemed most of the people who worked in the Viscount's Keep either went there or to the Blooming Rose. The Blooming Rose offered drinks and company of a professional variety, but Sebastian had his fill of such places in his youth. Now, all he wanted was a woman he knew was stuck underground fighting again creatures that were the epitome of evil. Nothing was ever easy.

Fenris cocked his head towards the door in question and Sebastian nodded. "Just a couple of drinks." He said.

"Only a few. But celebratory drinks to be sure." Fenris said.

"Of course. I've had enough of melancholy I think." Sebastian said.

"Haven't we all?" Fenris asked, his mouth quirking into a grin. He set his workstation to sleep and got his coat, ushering Sebastian off towards Lowtown.


End file.
